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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 762786" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Part of Nar Anon, the hardest part, is realizing we can not control anyone but us. This includes husbands. If your husband wants, he can get further help...maybe more migraine treatment. Maybe more therapy. Maybe more meetings. Whatever he needs. You can not provide the fix nor can you tell him what he needs. Only he knows.</p><p></p><p>This is in my opinion very important.. Your husband CAN enforce strong boundaries and refuse to bring to his his son what his son asks for, like shoes and socks. Your son works. He can get these things at thrift shops cheap. On his own. If he stopsvworking, he can find another job or go ask a church for help. This is not his fathers job since he is an adult.</p><p>Your husband can control his phone and only allow his son to talk to him for five minutes twice a week, and he can end any conversation where his son asks for money or especially for a face to face visit. Often we are worse when we are around them. But you can not control what your husband does. One day perhaps he will set better boundaries. Maybe not.</p><p></p><p>Nar Anon and all 12 Step programs are for us. They teach us how to care for ourselves without focusing on others, spouses included.</p><p></p><p>My husband "got it" before I did. He stopped engaging Kay, giving any help or allowing her near him as all she did was use and hurt him. I was a slow learner and berated him and even called him cold-hearted (he is the kindest man I know).</p><p></p><p>We fought so much that he finally left because he wanted a peaceful life without fighting and without Kay's nonsense and chaos. We had two other kids and he moved in with our son.</p><p></p><p>As I had my form of a nervous breakdown, I finally realized that my husband was on the tight path and I was not. We got back together as one in mind and I am now very happy and serene. But my husband could.jot make me see that zkay was making me sick. I had to finally see it before I decided to change it.</p><p></p><p>We can only change one person...ourselves.</p><p></p><p>Love and hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 762786, member: 1550"] Part of Nar Anon, the hardest part, is realizing we can not control anyone but us. This includes husbands. If your husband wants, he can get further help...maybe more migraine treatment. Maybe more therapy. Maybe more meetings. Whatever he needs. You can not provide the fix nor can you tell him what he needs. Only he knows. This is in my opinion very important.. Your husband CAN enforce strong boundaries and refuse to bring to his his son what his son asks for, like shoes and socks. Your son works. He can get these things at thrift shops cheap. On his own. If he stopsvworking, he can find another job or go ask a church for help. This is not his fathers job since he is an adult. Your husband can control his phone and only allow his son to talk to him for five minutes twice a week, and he can end any conversation where his son asks for money or especially for a face to face visit. Often we are worse when we are around them. But you can not control what your husband does. One day perhaps he will set better boundaries. Maybe not. Nar Anon and all 12 Step programs are for us. They teach us how to care for ourselves without focusing on others, spouses included. My husband "got it" before I did. He stopped engaging Kay, giving any help or allowing her near him as all she did was use and hurt him. I was a slow learner and berated him and even called him cold-hearted (he is the kindest man I know). We fought so much that he finally left because he wanted a peaceful life without fighting and without Kay's nonsense and chaos. We had two other kids and he moved in with our son. As I had my form of a nervous breakdown, I finally realized that my husband was on the tight path and I was not. We got back together as one in mind and I am now very happy and serene. But my husband could.jot make me see that zkay was making me sick. I had to finally see it before I decided to change it. We can only change one person...ourselves. Love and hugs. [/QUOTE]
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