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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 763092" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Aloha Jbrain,</p><p>I apologize for my late reply, I am not often here, aside from the ever present addiction issues, life comes with daily challenges to focus on. I am a busy grandmother, not only raising my 14 year old granddaughter, but helping as much as I can with my other grandkids who are littles. </p><p>My daughter (whom I have dubbed Tornado) spent her 34th birthday in rehab. She has also been a handful from a young age. This is her fourth attempt at sobriety and hopefully something will stick this time. She was mandated to go through a court program, so only time will tell if she will remain sober. I do answer her phone calls, my reasoning is that if she attempts sobriety I will be there (within reason, and on my terms.) The difference I am feeling so far is that I am much less bound to an outcome than previously. I think that is the bane of being a parent of wayward’s, that consequences and outcomes can become more important, time and life consuming to us, than to them. I am trying to keep my emotions in check. My daughter still has a way of expecting attention, it’s feels like she wants us to celebrate her attempts at rehab, without a second thought of what we have all been through. That translates to her asking for favors, clothes, photos of her kids, etc. I have decided to let her know that this will be the last time I am making photocopies for her, it’s about the fourth time I have done it, I am assuming all of the previous copies are gone. It is a physical reminder of all she has lost through years and years of using. I have come to the conclusion that addiction produces narcissistic traits in our loved ones, where they have lost empathy and compassion for the very people (family) who would do anything to have them whole again. My daughter has not been sober long enough to be able to really see the anguish and hurt she has caused. That makes her dangerous in my mind. I will continue to work on catching myself sleep walking towards that rabbit hole. Keeping ones guard up can be exhausting, I know that I can be my own worst enemy at times! Stay strong warrior mama. We have lives that matter. An addicts design, much like a narcissist, is to keep us devaluing ourselves so that we stay in their game. I think what is key to truly “helping” our wayward adult children is to show them by example how to set boundaries and model self care above all else. </p><p>Much love and prayers for continued strength.</p><p>(((hugs)))</p><p>New Leaf</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 763092, member: 19522"] Aloha Jbrain, I apologize for my late reply, I am not often here, aside from the ever present addiction issues, life comes with daily challenges to focus on. I am a busy grandmother, not only raising my 14 year old granddaughter, but helping as much as I can with my other grandkids who are littles. My daughter (whom I have dubbed Tornado) spent her 34th birthday in rehab. She has also been a handful from a young age. This is her fourth attempt at sobriety and hopefully something will stick this time. She was mandated to go through a court program, so only time will tell if she will remain sober. I do answer her phone calls, my reasoning is that if she attempts sobriety I will be there (within reason, and on my terms.) The difference I am feeling so far is that I am much less bound to an outcome than previously. I think that is the bane of being a parent of wayward’s, that consequences and outcomes can become more important, time and life consuming to us, than to them. I am trying to keep my emotions in check. My daughter still has a way of expecting attention, it’s feels like she wants us to celebrate her attempts at rehab, without a second thought of what we have all been through. That translates to her asking for favors, clothes, photos of her kids, etc. I have decided to let her know that this will be the last time I am making photocopies for her, it’s about the fourth time I have done it, I am assuming all of the previous copies are gone. It is a physical reminder of all she has lost through years and years of using. I have come to the conclusion that addiction produces narcissistic traits in our loved ones, where they have lost empathy and compassion for the very people (family) who would do anything to have them whole again. My daughter has not been sober long enough to be able to really see the anguish and hurt she has caused. That makes her dangerous in my mind. I will continue to work on catching myself sleep walking towards that rabbit hole. Keeping ones guard up can be exhausting, I know that I can be my own worst enemy at times! Stay strong warrior mama. We have lives that matter. An addicts design, much like a narcissist, is to keep us devaluing ourselves so that we stay in their game. I think what is key to truly “helping” our wayward adult children is to show them by example how to set boundaries and model self care above all else. Much love and prayers for continued strength. (((hugs))) New Leaf [/QUOTE]
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