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The "Stuff" Just Hit the Fan
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<blockquote data-quote="LauraH" data-source="post: 742790" data-attributes="member: 22877"><p>All valid points. We had laid out our terms and conditions before ever agreeing to fly him down here. So far he has made only minimal effort, if that, in keeping his end of the bargain while expecting us to keep accommodating him. The agreement was that he would make arrangements for somewhere to stay before getting here. He said he did. The first night he was here I wanted him to stay with us because I had not seen in him in over two years and wanted to spend time with him. The next couple of days after that he gave me some song and dance about his friend not being available for a few days. It turned out that he had not touched based with her to make any kind of plans so he came down here not knowing for sure he had a place to stay. So that was another 2 3 or 4 days he was with us. Not what we agreed on.</p><p></p><p>He was also supposed to find out about getting on the waiting list for the drug rehab facility, which he has not done, telling me that he's been clean since he got here...and although i have very little reason to trust anything he says at this point, I believe him. He did tell me the other day that he relapsed the night before but that the next day he went to an NA meeting and wanted to do the "90 in 90" program (I think that's what it's called) but has not been to another meeting since. He also got a job offer last week that entails a 60 hour online training course before the offer is official. As far as I know he has not attempted to even start that course, although I have offered to give him my library card so he can go do it on one of their computers, and would even be willing for him to do it here on my computer as long as he didn't do it for more than an hour or two a day, since I rely on my computer for my own income.</p><p></p><p>My husband also added the condition that he start the application process for disability so that he would at least have a steady guaranteed income. He blew that off because "$800 a month isn't enough to live on". But he's had no real income in over a year and $800 a month should look pretty good compared to $0 a month and getting by the best way he can with whatever help from family and friends he can manage.</p><p></p><p>I've tried talking to him about our deal ever since he first started showing signs of having no intention to keep his end of it. Depending on his mood he reacts with hostility, agitation, hurt (as in what kind of mother would ask so much of their child), indifference, defensiveness, and martyrdom (he's tried, but the universe is working against him). Baloney. If he can walk for an hour to get to a friend's house to hang out, he can walk to the nearest NA meeting or the library to start his training course, etc. My son will commit to/promise anything to achieve an aim but rarely does he honor that commitment. I've come to the conclusion that he probably never will achieve the maturity or mental health to be able to do so.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="LauraH, post: 742790, member: 22877"] All valid points. We had laid out our terms and conditions before ever agreeing to fly him down here. So far he has made only minimal effort, if that, in keeping his end of the bargain while expecting us to keep accommodating him. The agreement was that he would make arrangements for somewhere to stay before getting here. He said he did. The first night he was here I wanted him to stay with us because I had not seen in him in over two years and wanted to spend time with him. The next couple of days after that he gave me some song and dance about his friend not being available for a few days. It turned out that he had not touched based with her to make any kind of plans so he came down here not knowing for sure he had a place to stay. So that was another 2 3 or 4 days he was with us. Not what we agreed on. He was also supposed to find out about getting on the waiting list for the drug rehab facility, which he has not done, telling me that he's been clean since he got here...and although i have very little reason to trust anything he says at this point, I believe him. He did tell me the other day that he relapsed the night before but that the next day he went to an NA meeting and wanted to do the "90 in 90" program (I think that's what it's called) but has not been to another meeting since. He also got a job offer last week that entails a 60 hour online training course before the offer is official. As far as I know he has not attempted to even start that course, although I have offered to give him my library card so he can go do it on one of their computers, and would even be willing for him to do it here on my computer as long as he didn't do it for more than an hour or two a day, since I rely on my computer for my own income. My husband also added the condition that he start the application process for disability so that he would at least have a steady guaranteed income. He blew that off because "$800 a month isn't enough to live on". But he's had no real income in over a year and $800 a month should look pretty good compared to $0 a month and getting by the best way he can with whatever help from family and friends he can manage. I've tried talking to him about our deal ever since he first started showing signs of having no intention to keep his end of it. Depending on his mood he reacts with hostility, agitation, hurt (as in what kind of mother would ask so much of their child), indifference, defensiveness, and martyrdom (he's tried, but the universe is working against him). Baloney. If he can walk for an hour to get to a friend's house to hang out, he can walk to the nearest NA meeting or the library to start his training course, etc. My son will commit to/promise anything to achieve an aim but rarely does he honor that commitment. I've come to the conclusion that he probably never will achieve the maturity or mental health to be able to do so. [/QUOTE]
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