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The truth comes out...maybe
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 645779" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>This is shame on so many levels, Lil.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry.</p><p></p><p>It happened to me that this is where I began to hate myself. In that shame I felt over who I was and then, who I suddenly definitely was not, even and maybe, especially, to myself.</p><p></p><p>Cherish yourself now, Lil. Jabber, you too. I know I'm not supposed to say this, but men do see things differently. My husband was so alone through so much of this. Had he not determined to try every single thing he could think of to save our marriage, I would have left it because without the kids, nothing made sense. Nothing mattered. I had failed, and the marriage turned gray to me. My husband is the one who brought it back, who somehow just kept being there whenever I could stop looking at the kids and see him. </p><p></p><p>Seeking tells us to stay close to the site. MWM tells us to take what feels right and let the rest go.</p><p></p><p>Your mission, should you accept it (Mission: Impossible again) is to nurture yourself and each other through this time. I recreated my life, Lil, and it made no difference. Inside, because of the shame, because of the questions, because of the reflections from the outside world...I broke.</p><p></p><p>Dont' let that happen, to you.</p><p></p><p>Cherish your way through it.</p><p></p><p>Every single thing that is happening to you on an emotional level right now is something that can shatter you into a million pieces. And, like me and like so many of us here, you are dealing with way more things than one.</p><p></p><p>Survival.</p><p></p><p>Focus on surviving this.</p><p></p><p>I did not focus on survival. I focused on my kids and lost my life. I had no other purpose. Everything else was cast in shadow.</p><p></p><p>It is only through changing that shame thing that I have been able to begin seeing from a different place.</p><p></p><p>We are here Lil.</p><p></p><p>We have been where you are.</p><p></p><p>It will take so much courage to do the things you will have to do, next. Admire that in yourself. Brene Brown writes two things that have been invaluable to me:</p><p></p><p>1) Human beings are hard-wired for challenge.</p><p></p><p>Every one of us can do what he or she has, or chooses, to do.</p><p></p><p>2) Lean in.</p><p></p><p>Lean in to the shame, to the tears, to whatever it is as though you chose it.</p><p></p><p>There are those who believe that on some level, some spiritual level...you did.</p><p></p><p>In any event, we are right here.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 645779, member: 17461"] This is shame on so many levels, Lil. I am so sorry. It happened to me that this is where I began to hate myself. In that shame I felt over who I was and then, who I suddenly definitely was not, even and maybe, especially, to myself. Cherish yourself now, Lil. Jabber, you too. I know I'm not supposed to say this, but men do see things differently. My husband was so alone through so much of this. Had he not determined to try every single thing he could think of to save our marriage, I would have left it because without the kids, nothing made sense. Nothing mattered. I had failed, and the marriage turned gray to me. My husband is the one who brought it back, who somehow just kept being there whenever I could stop looking at the kids and see him. Seeking tells us to stay close to the site. MWM tells us to take what feels right and let the rest go. Your mission, should you accept it (Mission: Impossible again) is to nurture yourself and each other through this time. I recreated my life, Lil, and it made no difference. Inside, because of the shame, because of the questions, because of the reflections from the outside world...I broke. Dont' let that happen, to you. Cherish your way through it. Every single thing that is happening to you on an emotional level right now is something that can shatter you into a million pieces. And, like me and like so many of us here, you are dealing with way more things than one. Survival. Focus on surviving this. I did not focus on survival. I focused on my kids and lost my life. I had no other purpose. Everything else was cast in shadow. It is only through changing that shame thing that I have been able to begin seeing from a different place. We are here Lil. We have been where you are. It will take so much courage to do the things you will have to do, next. Admire that in yourself. Brene Brown writes two things that have been invaluable to me: 1) Human beings are hard-wired for challenge. Every one of us can do what he or she has, or chooses, to do. 2) Lean in. Lean in to the shame, to the tears, to whatever it is as though you chose it. There are those who believe that on some level, some spiritual level...you did. In any event, we are right here. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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