Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
The Weekend Woes, Again. ((sigh..))
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="JayPee" data-source="post: 750707" data-attributes="member: 23405"><p>Being controlled by others is a safe prison. I’m trying so desperately to get out of that prison myself so I understand your pain. </p><p></p><p>You are giving him power over you by controlling your emotions. </p><p></p><p>I just read something that might give you some hope. It said “if our conscience was silent in providing “no how could you?” Guilt inducing messages it might mean you were enslaved to that “ internal parent control voice” in your mind. By realizing you dislike this discomfort could really be a baby step in the move forward to detach from his constant requests and constantly putting you in the center to take care of all his cares and concerns. This is safe for him because if something fails he can blame you not himself. Done that, been there. He’s still controlling you by doing that. </p><p></p><p>I’m learning that when I feel like you do that I’m the problem. This is an inside job so to speak. Your solution is not coming from the outside. </p><p></p><p>The process to letting go of our guilt that always brings us back to doing for them what they can do for themselves, is a journey but wouldn’t it be better putting all your energy into getting into a better mindset than repeating this same pattern with your son?</p><p></p><p>I have said exactly what you’ve mentioned and would like to uproot and leave two homeless, unstable not well emotionally or mentally sons. But in reality I will carry my guilt, grief, worry, hurt and pain with me wherever I go. So I am working morning noon and night to read good literature, stay close to God, examine where my guilt messages come from, set boundaries, rely on my own conscience to do the right thing and get a good support system to gather wisdom strength and hope just like you’re doing here. </p><p></p><p>If you’re like me you might actually feel sad at first when you set boundaries and begin to make changes. I’ve said to my therapist , if I don’t help them, who will? There is comfort in doing the same thing even if it’s not good for us. We have to be brave and step out of our comfort zone. </p><p></p><p>Believe it or not you have pulled out your tool box, now you just have to use the tools I’ve mentioned above and I’m sure others have many wise suggestions too that you can begin to investigate and learn about. </p><p></p><p>Reaching out for help is progress. By learning how others cope with this craziness will give you insight to do better. And when we know better, we do better. </p><p></p><p>Read some good boundary books and journal what seems pertinent to your own situation. Then when you feel weak and need quick “help” to stay strong you will have quick reference at your finger tips.</p><p></p><p>I will keep you in my prayers to get stronger.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JayPee, post: 750707, member: 23405"] Being controlled by others is a safe prison. I’m trying so desperately to get out of that prison myself so I understand your pain. You are giving him power over you by controlling your emotions. I just read something that might give you some hope. It said “if our conscience was silent in providing “no how could you?” Guilt inducing messages it might mean you were enslaved to that “ internal parent control voice” in your mind. By realizing you dislike this discomfort could really be a baby step in the move forward to detach from his constant requests and constantly putting you in the center to take care of all his cares and concerns. This is safe for him because if something fails he can blame you not himself. Done that, been there. He’s still controlling you by doing that. I’m learning that when I feel like you do that I’m the problem. This is an inside job so to speak. Your solution is not coming from the outside. The process to letting go of our guilt that always brings us back to doing for them what they can do for themselves, is a journey but wouldn’t it be better putting all your energy into getting into a better mindset than repeating this same pattern with your son? I have said exactly what you’ve mentioned and would like to uproot and leave two homeless, unstable not well emotionally or mentally sons. But in reality I will carry my guilt, grief, worry, hurt and pain with me wherever I go. So I am working morning noon and night to read good literature, stay close to God, examine where my guilt messages come from, set boundaries, rely on my own conscience to do the right thing and get a good support system to gather wisdom strength and hope just like you’re doing here. If you’re like me you might actually feel sad at first when you set boundaries and begin to make changes. I’ve said to my therapist , if I don’t help them, who will? There is comfort in doing the same thing even if it’s not good for us. We have to be brave and step out of our comfort zone. Believe it or not you have pulled out your tool box, now you just have to use the tools I’ve mentioned above and I’m sure others have many wise suggestions too that you can begin to investigate and learn about. Reaching out for help is progress. By learning how others cope with this craziness will give you insight to do better. And when we know better, we do better. Read some good boundary books and journal what seems pertinent to your own situation. Then when you feel weak and need quick “help” to stay strong you will have quick reference at your finger tips. I will keep you in my prayers to get stronger. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
The Weekend Woes, Again. ((sigh..))
Top