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Family of Origin
The win and the loss
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 677081" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Absolutely.</p><p></p><p>The scapegoat in the family is usually the one who is most sensitive, possibly different, and definitely most aware, from early on, that the family is not "right" and is the one who will talk about it. I have been talking about it, mostly in therapy, most of my young adult life, but it took until middle age (40s) for me to get that my only out is to be OUT. At THAT time, I was still being tolerated by siblings. And I stuck with them, especially sister, although her cruelty and attempts at control knew no boundaries. In spite of knowing the only way out was OUT, I kept giving her extra chances with no remorse from her for her cruel shuns. <u><em><strong>There is something brutally wrong with somebody calls the police over e-mails. </strong></em></u>She would not have called the police on her abusive boyfriend, her married boyfriend, or anyone else. It was personal. "I am the most beloved sister. I can also shut you up."</p><p></p><p>Well, she is not the most beloved sister. Maybe in our twisted FOO she was as she played along with them. But in real life, she has squandered others who wanted to love her and does not gravitate toward loving people. She does seem to have nice kids. I don't know them or their feelings about her. But she can't find a loving romantic male and that bothers her.</p><p></p><p>I feel like I won. We talk about the win and the loss. If I feel like I won, then I feel validated and in my mind, I *did* win and what she thinks doesn't matter. I haven't read anything she has probably written about me for a long time. I have not even peeked to see if she is still writing about me. I don't care.</p><p></p><p>Yet I'll bet she is still reading here and read here way before she cut me off (and I agreed that the cut off was a good thing for ME). I am in her head. I am always in her head.</p><p></p><p>Puzzling. Why can't she move on? Well, life is short. It is her problem, not mine.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 677081, member: 1550"] Absolutely. The scapegoat in the family is usually the one who is most sensitive, possibly different, and definitely most aware, from early on, that the family is not "right" and is the one who will talk about it. I have been talking about it, mostly in therapy, most of my young adult life, but it took until middle age (40s) for me to get that my only out is to be OUT. At THAT time, I was still being tolerated by siblings. And I stuck with them, especially sister, although her cruelty and attempts at control knew no boundaries. In spite of knowing the only way out was OUT, I kept giving her extra chances with no remorse from her for her cruel shuns. [U][I][B]There is something brutally wrong with somebody calls the police over e-mails. [/B][/I][/U]She would not have called the police on her abusive boyfriend, her married boyfriend, or anyone else. It was personal. "I am the most beloved sister. I can also shut you up." Well, she is not the most beloved sister. Maybe in our twisted FOO she was as she played along with them. But in real life, she has squandered others who wanted to love her and does not gravitate toward loving people. She does seem to have nice kids. I don't know them or their feelings about her. But she can't find a loving romantic male and that bothers her. I feel like I won. We talk about the win and the loss. If I feel like I won, then I feel validated and in my mind, I *did* win and what she thinks doesn't matter. I haven't read anything she has probably written about me for a long time. I have not even peeked to see if she is still writing about me. I don't care. Yet I'll bet she is still reading here and read here way before she cut me off (and I agreed that the cut off was a good thing for ME). I am in her head. I am always in her head. Puzzling. Why can't she move on? Well, life is short. It is her problem, not mine. [/QUOTE]
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