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Things are tough
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 704914" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>Copa your distinction between reaction and response is really good and really clear and it helped clarify things for me. Thank you. Reaction is our internal response and like you said is involuntary to some extent. Response is our external action and we can choose how to respond. I think where I get into trouble is responding immediately with whatever my reaction is.... sometimes that is not productive. If I can be aware of my reactions, process them and then respond it is much better... and sometimes know what my reactions are going to be and so think ahead of my possible responses.</p><p></p><p>For example we are having people over for Xmas eve. My son is supposed to join us and it is possible he will not want to, and will hole up alone in his room. This of course would upset me and make me angry. I really hope he doesn't do that. I could respond several ways... one would be to get angry, have it out with him embarrassing everyone including myself.... or to let it go, let him be miserable and do my best to have a good time in spite of what he does.</p><p></p><p>I also relate to what you say about feeling your sons pain. There is something really hard and painful when you know your child is really unhappy. I cant think of anything or anyone else that I can feel so sad for as one of my kids having a hard time. And yet it seems my son is always having a hard time and so to a large extent I have learned to live a happy life anyways. I still feel his pain but I have to put it away to survive myself. But I also cant think of anything that would make me happier than him living a productive happy life.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 704914, member: 15801"] Copa your distinction between reaction and response is really good and really clear and it helped clarify things for me. Thank you. Reaction is our internal response and like you said is involuntary to some extent. Response is our external action and we can choose how to respond. I think where I get into trouble is responding immediately with whatever my reaction is.... sometimes that is not productive. If I can be aware of my reactions, process them and then respond it is much better... and sometimes know what my reactions are going to be and so think ahead of my possible responses. For example we are having people over for Xmas eve. My son is supposed to join us and it is possible he will not want to, and will hole up alone in his room. This of course would upset me and make me angry. I really hope he doesn't do that. I could respond several ways... one would be to get angry, have it out with him embarrassing everyone including myself.... or to let it go, let him be miserable and do my best to have a good time in spite of what he does. I also relate to what you say about feeling your sons pain. There is something really hard and painful when you know your child is really unhappy. I cant think of anything or anyone else that I can feel so sad for as one of my kids having a hard time. And yet it seems my son is always having a hard time and so to a large extent I have learned to live a happy life anyways. I still feel his pain but I have to put it away to survive myself. But I also cant think of anything that would make me happier than him living a productive happy life. [/QUOTE]
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