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Things That Make You Go...."Hmmmm....."
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<blockquote data-quote="HeadlightsMom" data-source="post: 637318" data-attributes="member: 18284"><p>Everyone -- Great comments, oh so true, and I appreciate hearing all of your "takes" and experiences!</p><p></p><p>MWM -- I think you hit the nail on the head in that so many of the male difficult child's appear to be Antisocial Personality Disorder (Auditory Processing Disorders (APD)) and some of the females sound more Borderline Personality Disorder (Borderline (BPD)). I'm no professional, but that's where the overlap seems to come. And I am the mother of an Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) diagnosis'd son, so..... And these commonalities are important in considering treatment and boundaries.</p><p></p><p>I also like dstc_99's comment about "differences", too. Much of my work (Special Education classrooms) is with Autism these days. Although the Autism Spectrum contains so many commonalities (it does), it also contains a wide range of variants. That's where I'm coming from when I agree that there are differences......a wide range of variants even amid a large strain of commonalities. Every difficult child is different (despite their commonalities).......just as every human being is different. I like to take the differences into possible consideration because I think that brings along a layer of human dignity (i.e. we're more than just a collection of specific observed behaviors). difficult child's are HARD to be around. But they are still human beings with their own differences.</p><p></p><p>However, I openly confess that I cannot live with my difficult child. Similarities or differences......it's just toxic for me!</p><p></p><p>Estherfromjerusalem --- I hear ya on those middle-of-the-night rage-fests! Yikes! We could always tell when our difficult child was amping up. It always began with foot stomping in his bedroom. Then wall slamming. Then, about 20-min later, it went into full-blown screaming, raging, destruction mode absoluting destroying the house and threatening us. I'm sure our neighbors heard it, too. However, we didn't wait to see if they would call the police.........WE CALLED POLICE. At first we questioned if that was the right thing to do. But we quickly realized it was. And now, years later, we still think it was the right thing to do. The last time I called police on difficult child was when he was 19 (he's now 24). But he knows darned well, I'll call whenever it's merited. I have. I will.</p><p></p><p>Estherfromjerusalem --- So glad to hear things are better with you and your difficult child these days! Better to miss then half a world away than to have battles with them next door, I'd imagine. We are getting along getter with our difficult child right now, too. Knock wood that lasts. Otherwise a half a world of distance might be what's in our future, too! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p><p></p><p>Maaaaaaan, I think back on ALL those years of midnight rages. I tried to hold down a job, but it repeatedly interfered. Eventually, I got HR to approve an Intermittent Leave of Absence (ILOA). HR worked with me. But the last 911 call that took me away from work (mid-day) was when difficult child was 10. I remember my boss stopping me in the hallway (I was working as a Pharmacy Lead with an insurance company back then) and said, "You need to pick....Your job or your kid." I shocked her when I said, "You're right....I pick my kid." I quit my job on the spot. No notice. Had to make sure I tried everything. Stayed at home with him for 3+ years and then half-time homeschooled him (as he was running out of schools who would accept him). difficult child left our home at age 16. I am certain we tried everything we could think of.</p><p></p><p>I had NO idea it would be that hard raising difficult child. Really. And I'll bet most "experts" would be shocked if they lived that way for years and years. It takes a toll.</p><p></p><p>No matter how we bad we told friends, relatives, professionals it was their universal response upon first seeing difficult child's full-blown rage was.......... "I didn't know it was that bad!"</p><p></p><p>Yes. It is that bad when it hits.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="HeadlightsMom, post: 637318, member: 18284"] Everyone -- Great comments, oh so true, and I appreciate hearing all of your "takes" and experiences! MWM -- I think you hit the nail on the head in that so many of the male difficult child's appear to be Antisocial Personality Disorder (Auditory Processing Disorders (APD)) and some of the females sound more Borderline Personality Disorder (Borderline (BPD)). I'm no professional, but that's where the overlap seems to come. And I am the mother of an Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) diagnosis'd son, so..... And these commonalities are important in considering treatment and boundaries. I also like dstc_99's comment about "differences", too. Much of my work (Special Education classrooms) is with Autism these days. Although the Autism Spectrum contains so many commonalities (it does), it also contains a wide range of variants. That's where I'm coming from when I agree that there are differences......a wide range of variants even amid a large strain of commonalities. Every difficult child is different (despite their commonalities).......just as every human being is different. I like to take the differences into possible consideration because I think that brings along a layer of human dignity (i.e. we're more than just a collection of specific observed behaviors). difficult child's are HARD to be around. But they are still human beings with their own differences. However, I openly confess that I cannot live with my difficult child. Similarities or differences......it's just toxic for me! Estherfromjerusalem --- I hear ya on those middle-of-the-night rage-fests! Yikes! We could always tell when our difficult child was amping up. It always began with foot stomping in his bedroom. Then wall slamming. Then, about 20-min later, it went into full-blown screaming, raging, destruction mode absoluting destroying the house and threatening us. I'm sure our neighbors heard it, too. However, we didn't wait to see if they would call the police.........WE CALLED POLICE. At first we questioned if that was the right thing to do. But we quickly realized it was. And now, years later, we still think it was the right thing to do. The last time I called police on difficult child was when he was 19 (he's now 24). But he knows darned well, I'll call whenever it's merited. I have. I will. Estherfromjerusalem --- So glad to hear things are better with you and your difficult child these days! Better to miss then half a world away than to have battles with them next door, I'd imagine. We are getting along getter with our difficult child right now, too. Knock wood that lasts. Otherwise a half a world of distance might be what's in our future, too! ;) Maaaaaaan, I think back on ALL those years of midnight rages. I tried to hold down a job, but it repeatedly interfered. Eventually, I got HR to approve an Intermittent Leave of Absence (ILOA). HR worked with me. But the last 911 call that took me away from work (mid-day) was when difficult child was 10. I remember my boss stopping me in the hallway (I was working as a Pharmacy Lead with an insurance company back then) and said, "You need to pick....Your job or your kid." I shocked her when I said, "You're right....I pick my kid." I quit my job on the spot. No notice. Had to make sure I tried everything. Stayed at home with him for 3+ years and then half-time homeschooled him (as he was running out of schools who would accept him). difficult child left our home at age 16. I am certain we tried everything we could think of. I had NO idea it would be that hard raising difficult child. Really. And I'll bet most "experts" would be shocked if they lived that way for years and years. It takes a toll. No matter how we bad we told friends, relatives, professionals it was their universal response upon first seeing difficult child's full-blown rage was.......... "I didn't know it was that bad!" Yes. It is that bad when it hits. [/QUOTE]
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