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Parent Emeritus
Thought I would check in and let you know...
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<blockquote data-quote="Coookie" data-source="post: 9862" data-attributes="member: 1587"><p>Thank you my friends. :tears:</p><p></p><p>difficult child has been home almost a month...do you believe that? He goes between beligerence and deep depression and I find myself slipping into the old role and then pulling myself out again. :frown: He talks of school, has applied for a few jobs and then talks of suicide (in a joking manner)... :frown: One minute he wants to move out on his own and the next he is waiting for us to kick him out (or will just "curl up in a fetal position in the basement and die")... Up all night, sleeping all day and believe me...it is extremely hard to stand back and watch this. :frown:</p><p></p><p>husband say's he see's positive movement on difficult children part..I don't know but I do know he is like a cork floating around in the middle of the ocean. :frown: He is totally defeated but most times will present the "bravado" image. :frown: We are worried about his mental and emotional state but there is nothing we can do at this point.</p><p></p><p>For the first time in our married life husband and I spent one whole day not talking to each other... :frown: He has a plan, it is not just the way I would do it but then my way has never worked all that well anyway. :frown: I have had to look deep and hard at myself and I really don't like what I see.. :frown: I get so angry at husband sometimes.. :mad: but then I have to realize that this is the first time I have really backed off and let him handle difficult child..I was always the one who spent most of the time with him and tried to guide him..now I have to step back and let husband do it...his way.. :frown: Very difficult to keep my mouth shut and I'm not alway's successful but I am getting better..some. :frown: Funny how I always think my way is the right way...never was before. :confused:</p><p></p><p>difficult child has an appointment for his driving test next Thursday. He has a car but has never been able to drive it for lack of a license so hopefully when he gets his license he will grab his independence again and move on. His attempts at baiting have been unfruitful but at a cost to me emotionally. Changing is very stressful.. :confused: but I am doing it slowly. He realizes that husband and I will no longer be his verbal punching bag.</p><p></p><p>I see some signs of maturity and other signs of the old difficult child. Slips in and out. Like living with a cameleon.. :frown: He came home with nothing and we still aren't sure if he has learned anything from his bad choices. He has honored our rule about no drinking and we have had no problem with the curfew...getting him to go out is like pulling teeth anyway. :frown:</p><p></p><p>He is going to do a shop with me today. It is one where I need to have another person there and he is doing this voluntarily. He spoke to an advisor at ITT Tech Institute about Design Computer Graphics courses and they are sending him information. That is a step, before he would not even think of going to school. I guess there are steps being taken, not as quickly as I think they should be but like I said, my way has never worked before. It is extremely difficult to turn it all over to husband...being the control freak that I am. :frown: </p><p></p><p>I am emotionally drained but hold on to the hope that positive things will come from the changes I am making. I refuse to fall back into the same old traps. Like I said, change is hard... :frown: painful... :frown: but worth it. I have learned a lot about co-dependence in the last few weeks..boy is that an ugly thing... :confused: </p><p></p><p>On a bright spot...for me...I have enrolled in a Private Investigator Course which I start this Friday. :grin: So hopefully in the next few months you can call me Coookie,PI... :grin:</p><p></p><p>Hopefully soon I will be back to myself..in the good way. :grin: Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers and know that you are all in mine daily.</p><p></p><p>Hugs</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Coookie, post: 9862, member: 1587"] Thank you my friends. [img]:tears:[/img] difficult child has been home almost a month...do you believe that? He goes between beligerence and deep depression and I find myself slipping into the old role and then pulling myself out again. [img]:frown:[/img] He talks of school, has applied for a few jobs and then talks of suicide (in a joking manner)... [img]:frown:[/img] One minute he wants to move out on his own and the next he is waiting for us to kick him out (or will just "curl up in a fetal position in the basement and die")... Up all night, sleeping all day and believe me...it is extremely hard to stand back and watch this. [img]:frown:[/img] husband say's he see's positive movement on difficult children part..I don't know but I do know he is like a cork floating around in the middle of the ocean. [img]:frown:[/img] He is totally defeated but most times will present the "bravado" image. [img]:frown:[/img] We are worried about his mental and emotional state but there is nothing we can do at this point. For the first time in our married life husband and I spent one whole day not talking to each other... [img]:frown:[/img] He has a plan, it is not just the way I would do it but then my way has never worked all that well anyway. [img]:frown:[/img] I have had to look deep and hard at myself and I really don't like what I see.. [img]:frown:[/img] I get so angry at husband sometimes.. [img]:mad:[/img] but then I have to realize that this is the first time I have really backed off and let him handle difficult child..I was always the one who spent most of the time with him and tried to guide him..now I have to step back and let husband do it...his way.. [img]:frown:[/img] Very difficult to keep my mouth shut and I'm not alway's successful but I am getting better..some. [img]:frown:[/img] Funny how I always think my way is the right way...never was before. [img]:confused:[/img] difficult child has an appointment for his driving test next Thursday. He has a car but has never been able to drive it for lack of a license so hopefully when he gets his license he will grab his independence again and move on. His attempts at baiting have been unfruitful but at a cost to me emotionally. Changing is very stressful.. [img]:confused:[/img] but I am doing it slowly. He realizes that husband and I will no longer be his verbal punching bag. I see some signs of maturity and other signs of the old difficult child. Slips in and out. Like living with a cameleon.. [img]:frown:[/img] He came home with nothing and we still aren't sure if he has learned anything from his bad choices. He has honored our rule about no drinking and we have had no problem with the curfew...getting him to go out is like pulling teeth anyway. [img]:frown:[/img] He is going to do a shop with me today. It is one where I need to have another person there and he is doing this voluntarily. He spoke to an advisor at ITT Tech Institute about Design Computer Graphics courses and they are sending him information. That is a step, before he would not even think of going to school. I guess there are steps being taken, not as quickly as I think they should be but like I said, my way has never worked before. It is extremely difficult to turn it all over to husband...being the control freak that I am. [img]:frown:[/img] I am emotionally drained but hold on to the hope that positive things will come from the changes I am making. I refuse to fall back into the same old traps. Like I said, change is hard... [img]:frown:[/img] painful... [img]:frown:[/img] but worth it. I have learned a lot about co-dependence in the last few weeks..boy is that an ugly thing... [img]:confused:[/img] On a bright spot...for me...I have enrolled in a Private Investigator Course which I start this Friday. [img]:grin:[/img] So hopefully in the next few months you can call me Coookie,PI... [img]:grin:[/img] Hopefully soon I will be back to myself..in the good way. [img]:grin:[/img] Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers and know that you are all in mine daily. Hugs [/QUOTE]
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