Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Thoughts
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 757990" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear Trying:</p><p></p><p>I see you making positive changes. The hard thing we have to face is this: much of the time our changing does not result in our adult children deciding to change. We have to come to be able to tolerate this. Being better, safer, healthier ourselves, having healthier and less conflict-ridden lives, while our children continue to suffer and to be mired in their problems. Often our kids get worse when we pull back and get better.</p><p></p><p>You are very clear here about what your issues are:</p><p></p><p>--The visit to your son. You don't want to go.</p><p>--How calls from him make you feel sick.</p><p>--Needing to have his insurance, his life and well-being, separate from yours.</p><p>--That you feel very bad when you monitor his activities, such as calls to liquor stores.</p><p>--Being involved in his choices, such as work, or deciding (or not) to seek medical help.</p><p>--Feeling or thinking that you have a role and a responsibility in his decisions about drug and alcohol use, or treatment for same.</p><p></p><p>You have come a long, long way. You know what to do and what not to do. You've told us in your post. The thing is to follow through consistently. This takes time and support. I think we need help to change, not just from a therapist but from others who are on the same journey. This forum helped me. And others are helped do this through Al Anon or Codependents Anonymous.</p><p></p><p>We, all of us, have down days. I see you making real change, Trying. Why not stay here and post everyday with us? I found what helped me the most was to post on threads of others. With others it was far easier to see the right thing to do FOR ME. I got stronger as I channeled a stronger voice.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 757990, member: 18958"] Dear Trying: I see you making positive changes. The hard thing we have to face is this: much of the time our changing does not result in our adult children deciding to change. We have to come to be able to tolerate this. Being better, safer, healthier ourselves, having healthier and less conflict-ridden lives, while our children continue to suffer and to be mired in their problems. Often our kids get worse when we pull back and get better. You are very clear here about what your issues are: --The visit to your son. You don't want to go. --How calls from him make you feel sick. --Needing to have his insurance, his life and well-being, separate from yours. --That you feel very bad when you monitor his activities, such as calls to liquor stores. --Being involved in his choices, such as work, or deciding (or not) to seek medical help. --Feeling or thinking that you have a role and a responsibility in his decisions about drug and alcohol use, or treatment for same. You have come a long, long way. You know what to do and what not to do. You've told us in your post. The thing is to follow through consistently. This takes time and support. I think we need help to change, not just from a therapist but from others who are on the same journey. This forum helped me. And others are helped do this through Al Anon or Codependents Anonymous. We, all of us, have down days. I see you making real change, Trying. Why not stay here and post everyday with us? I found what helped me the most was to post on threads of others. With others it was far easier to see the right thing to do FOR ME. I got stronger as I channeled a stronger voice. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Thoughts
Top