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<blockquote data-quote="JayPee" data-source="post: 758007" data-attributes="member: 23405"><p>Trying,</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry for your heartache. Both of my adult sons who have been living in their cars for almost 3 yrs. (off and on) have finally each found a place to live (that's decent) and younger son is beginning a new job. Older son, on unemployment because of COVID but I feel is motivated and headed in the right direction. Even as I write this I have a hard time believing this has come true and still worry it won't last. Day after day, month after month, season after season my heart has ached when they frozen in their cars or were hungry etc. but were unwilling to make any effort to better their lives. </p><p></p><p>Even with these positive changes that I never, ever thought I'd see, when they call I ask the Good Lord to help me because my stomach still flip flops. It's hard for us to not be anxious when we're around them or hear from them because we are so used to their behaviors and the problems they have that somehow become ours. Try prayer if you have God in your life. It has truly been what has helped me. I believe I've said this before but through prayer, I feel that I was changed. So even if my sons don't make it this time with all the opportunities before them, I can only hope I am strong enough, "changed enough" to handle it. </p><p></p><p>Also, try getting through even the next 15 minutes and then the next 15 minutes after that. Partition your day out to survive in increments rather than looking so far ahead and trying to find a solution to what may or may not happen. That is hard but the alternative is anxiety. If we think we can forsee the future and have a plan for every potential disaster that may happen, we will have spent so much time worrying when in fact we do not have control over the future and our solutions may not be the solutions accepted by our adult children. That has always been part of the stress for me. I wanted them to do what I suggest and they are only now listening to a few things I say. I believe it's just the way it has to be because it's their journey and their lives are seen thru their eyes not ours. We forget because we love them so much that they are not us but are individuals who also sometimes must suffer and make the wrong choices to hopefully learn and get through this life with some success.</p><p></p><p>You may want them to change with your whole being but until they are ready (which can take years and sometimes a lifetime) nothing will happen.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JayPee, post: 758007, member: 23405"] Trying, I'm sorry for your heartache. Both of my adult sons who have been living in their cars for almost 3 yrs. (off and on) have finally each found a place to live (that's decent) and younger son is beginning a new job. Older son, on unemployment because of COVID but I feel is motivated and headed in the right direction. Even as I write this I have a hard time believing this has come true and still worry it won't last. Day after day, month after month, season after season my heart has ached when they frozen in their cars or were hungry etc. but were unwilling to make any effort to better their lives. Even with these positive changes that I never, ever thought I'd see, when they call I ask the Good Lord to help me because my stomach still flip flops. It's hard for us to not be anxious when we're around them or hear from them because we are so used to their behaviors and the problems they have that somehow become ours. Try prayer if you have God in your life. It has truly been what has helped me. I believe I've said this before but through prayer, I feel that I was changed. So even if my sons don't make it this time with all the opportunities before them, I can only hope I am strong enough, "changed enough" to handle it. Also, try getting through even the next 15 minutes and then the next 15 minutes after that. Partition your day out to survive in increments rather than looking so far ahead and trying to find a solution to what may or may not happen. That is hard but the alternative is anxiety. If we think we can forsee the future and have a plan for every potential disaster that may happen, we will have spent so much time worrying when in fact we do not have control over the future and our solutions may not be the solutions accepted by our adult children. That has always been part of the stress for me. I wanted them to do what I suggest and they are only now listening to a few things I say. I believe it's just the way it has to be because it's their journey and their lives are seen thru their eyes not ours. We forget because we love them so much that they are not us but are individuals who also sometimes must suffer and make the wrong choices to hopefully learn and get through this life with some success. You may want them to change with your whole being but until they are ready (which can take years and sometimes a lifetime) nothing will happen. [/QUOTE]
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