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Three girls of my own and a homeless teen
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<blockquote data-quote="JayPee" data-source="post: 752785" data-attributes="member: 23405"><p>Welcome mi,</p><p></p><p>I could be wrong but it feels like from your post you exhibit some "rescue, fix, enabling and approval/addict" characteristics. I can see them only because I am one <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" />. But I'm in recovery mode. </p><p></p><p>I think you need to do some soul searching to ask yourself why amidst the chaos of an under construction home, three girls all going through changes of their own and some with difficulties, as to why you felt pressured into taking on this homeless girl. </p><p></p><p>You are trying to fix, rescue and gain the approval of everyone else in your house at the cost of your sanity. That is never a good scenario.</p><p></p><p>Ask yourself, how long can you keep pleasing everyone else before your mental, emotional and psychological well-being are totally compromised and you become an angry, resentful Mamma/wife?</p><p></p><p>I'm sure these characteristics started out with all good intentions. After all, that's what we do to keep the family going. But at some point (as did with me) it sounds like it got off course. Only you can change the situation. You can't change other people. I've had to learn whenever I have a problem to look inward and see what part I play in it. As they say in Al anon, when you point the finger at someone else, remember there are three more pointing back at you.</p><p></p><p>I would pray, if you have God in your life, read some good books by Melodie Beattie on enabling and try to get a sense of who you are and where you fit into this whole puzzle.</p><p></p><p>I would agree with the other's maybe some marriage counseling is in order. If your husband is this insistent on keeping this homeless girl at all costs to your marriage, I would probably concur that there are some other domineering aspects of his personality that have reared their ugly head as well and have caused struggles in your marriage. This seems pretty extreme and inconsiderate of you.</p><p></p><p>You have to get healthy within yourself (mentally and emotionally) then you need to set some boundaries for your sanity. Until you are strong enough to keep them, don't bother setting them. Boundaries are something "kind" that we do four ourselves. They are simply a line in the sand, so to speak, that says "these are behavior or things I find unacceptable". It doesn't mean once you set them that everyone around you will walk away whistling. On the contrary, be prepared for some push back. That's why I say you need to be clear on what you're looking to achieve for your sanity and your family.</p><p></p><p>Keep posting. Not being alone in your problem will help.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JayPee, post: 752785, member: 23405"] Welcome mi, I could be wrong but it feels like from your post you exhibit some "rescue, fix, enabling and approval/addict" characteristics. I can see them only because I am one :(. But I'm in recovery mode. I think you need to do some soul searching to ask yourself why amidst the chaos of an under construction home, three girls all going through changes of their own and some with difficulties, as to why you felt pressured into taking on this homeless girl. You are trying to fix, rescue and gain the approval of everyone else in your house at the cost of your sanity. That is never a good scenario. Ask yourself, how long can you keep pleasing everyone else before your mental, emotional and psychological well-being are totally compromised and you become an angry, resentful Mamma/wife? I'm sure these characteristics started out with all good intentions. After all, that's what we do to keep the family going. But at some point (as did with me) it sounds like it got off course. Only you can change the situation. You can't change other people. I've had to learn whenever I have a problem to look inward and see what part I play in it. As they say in Al anon, when you point the finger at someone else, remember there are three more pointing back at you. I would pray, if you have God in your life, read some good books by Melodie Beattie on enabling and try to get a sense of who you are and where you fit into this whole puzzle. I would agree with the other's maybe some marriage counseling is in order. If your husband is this insistent on keeping this homeless girl at all costs to your marriage, I would probably concur that there are some other domineering aspects of his personality that have reared their ugly head as well and have caused struggles in your marriage. This seems pretty extreme and inconsiderate of you. You have to get healthy within yourself (mentally and emotionally) then you need to set some boundaries for your sanity. Until you are strong enough to keep them, don't bother setting them. Boundaries are something "kind" that we do four ourselves. They are simply a line in the sand, so to speak, that says "these are behavior or things I find unacceptable". It doesn't mean once you set them that everyone around you will walk away whistling. On the contrary, be prepared for some push back. That's why I say you need to be clear on what you're looking to achieve for your sanity and your family. Keep posting. Not being alone in your problem will help. [/QUOTE]
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Three girls of my own and a homeless teen
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