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<blockquote data-quote="JayPee" data-source="post: 757043" data-attributes="member: 23405"><p>Newstart,</p><p></p><p>Sorry for all you're going through. No matter how hard we try it is a constant "grieving the loss of which we had". I actually think that's ok to do but we should not wallow in that place because it's like a vacuum and will suck you into a big black hole of despair.</p><p></p><p>How can we not hurt when we see our adult children not even remotely living up to their potential? We'd have to have hearts made of rock!</p><p></p><p>Maybe you should work on reading up on and practicing "detachment with love". Give yourself some distance "in all ways" meaning physically and technologically wise. I found the more I saw my sons and how unclean particularly younger son always is and his total inability or un-wantingness to move forward, the more I got sucked into the dark hole. It weakens our resolve. It's not to say that we shouldn't care but we enablers always take the caring to the next level, in my opinion.</p><p></p><p>So, I would say, don't beat yourself up for not liking the creepy boyfriend. I'm not sure how long the relationship has gone on for but let it play out. It may disintegrate on its own. </p><p></p><p>Pick yourself up and as we say in Al anon, try not to go to the fight with your daughter (easier said than done) but pick your battles and sometimes I say, walk away from the battles. The battles that you won't win and will not bring peace to your life.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JayPee, post: 757043, member: 23405"] Newstart, Sorry for all you're going through. No matter how hard we try it is a constant "grieving the loss of which we had". I actually think that's ok to do but we should not wallow in that place because it's like a vacuum and will suck you into a big black hole of despair. How can we not hurt when we see our adult children not even remotely living up to their potential? We'd have to have hearts made of rock! Maybe you should work on reading up on and practicing "detachment with love". Give yourself some distance "in all ways" meaning physically and technologically wise. I found the more I saw my sons and how unclean particularly younger son always is and his total inability or un-wantingness to move forward, the more I got sucked into the dark hole. It weakens our resolve. It's not to say that we shouldn't care but we enablers always take the caring to the next level, in my opinion. So, I would say, don't beat yourself up for not liking the creepy boyfriend. I'm not sure how long the relationship has gone on for but let it play out. It may disintegrate on its own. Pick yourself up and as we say in Al anon, try not to go to the fight with your daughter (easier said than done) but pick your battles and sometimes I say, walk away from the battles. The battles that you won't win and will not bring peace to your life. [/QUOTE]
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