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To write a letter or not? Opinions please.
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<blockquote data-quote="healinginside" data-source="post: 765212" data-attributes="member: 29962"><p>anewlife,</p><p></p><p>You are doing so well on this board! I see you seeking help, working on yourself, and making so much progress.</p><p></p><p>My son's hearing is tomorrow. I come on this board to read everyone's posts quite frequently and your posts have helped me a lot. </p><p></p><p>My personal opinion (others may have a different or better view) is to hold off on the letter. She will probably end up writing you and right now you "hold the power" of peace in the relationship. If you write the letter, then you are going to stress to see the response, blame yourself if you find out something isn't going well in the jail, and then ruminate over the whole situation (that's what I would probably do). I had to send my son a letter and I was very hesitant to say much in the letter. I didn't want to be negative because I knew he is facing sobriety and hell in there, so I let it be.</p><p></p><p>One thing that I've had to remember is that every communication you send them - phone, text, letter is monitored and if they write something to you that is incriminating - it can be used against them in a court of law. I've seen so many cases lately where they read the jail phone conversations and it frightens me. </p><p></p><p>It has been the worst going through this as it is his first time (even though we knew it would happen eventually) in actual jail.</p><p></p><p>I've been going through it every day - why does this happen to us? What causes mental health issues? Where did I go wrong? </p><p></p><p>I've replayed a couple of his big mistakes in my head and I just know I can't have him back in the house again.</p><p></p><p>So what's worse for tomorrow - he gets a sentence or he doesn't and then I have to tell him he can't come here knowing that is probably his only place to land after this debacle. How could I WANT my child to get a sentence???? I've decided that I only want what is best for him and it is out of my control. This whole case is out of my control. I can't come in and save him. I mean, I could get a lawyer, drive hours and states away to be there, tell them he will stay with me and I will be responsible, drive him home, buy him new clothes, How I wish I could do that and be NORMAL again. but I can't. </p><p></p><p>You are going amazing because you have been helping YOU - for once and for the first time! And you are doing great -just keep going!!</p><p>You are helping others more than you know.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="healinginside, post: 765212, member: 29962"] anewlife, You are doing so well on this board! I see you seeking help, working on yourself, and making so much progress. My son's hearing is tomorrow. I come on this board to read everyone's posts quite frequently and your posts have helped me a lot. My personal opinion (others may have a different or better view) is to hold off on the letter. She will probably end up writing you and right now you "hold the power" of peace in the relationship. If you write the letter, then you are going to stress to see the response, blame yourself if you find out something isn't going well in the jail, and then ruminate over the whole situation (that's what I would probably do). I had to send my son a letter and I was very hesitant to say much in the letter. I didn't want to be negative because I knew he is facing sobriety and hell in there, so I let it be. One thing that I've had to remember is that every communication you send them - phone, text, letter is monitored and if they write something to you that is incriminating - it can be used against them in a court of law. I've seen so many cases lately where they read the jail phone conversations and it frightens me. It has been the worst going through this as it is his first time (even though we knew it would happen eventually) in actual jail. I've been going through it every day - why does this happen to us? What causes mental health issues? Where did I go wrong? I've replayed a couple of his big mistakes in my head and I just know I can't have him back in the house again. So what's worse for tomorrow - he gets a sentence or he doesn't and then I have to tell him he can't come here knowing that is probably his only place to land after this debacle. How could I WANT my child to get a sentence???? I've decided that I only want what is best for him and it is out of my control. This whole case is out of my control. I can't come in and save him. I mean, I could get a lawyer, drive hours and states away to be there, tell them he will stay with me and I will be responsible, drive him home, buy him new clothes, How I wish I could do that and be NORMAL again. but I can't. You are going amazing because you have been helping YOU - for once and for the first time! And you are doing great -just keep going!! You are helping others more than you know. [/QUOTE]
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To write a letter or not? Opinions please.
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