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Parent Emeritus
Tough Love is killing me
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 651283" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>No money.</p><p></p><p>This is your ace in the hole. Don't waste it. What do you need this child to do to prove to you she has turned herself around? Until she has done those things, pay for nothing. Fund only the positives.</p><p></p><p>She could be home.</p><p></p><p>She could have all her needs met in abundance and she could be preparing for a wonderful future.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Block her number. Unblock it once a day, or once every three days, or whenever you need to know she is okay.</p><p></p><p>This child has forfeited her right to the responses a loving parent would normally make. </p><p></p><p>She is browbeating you in an attempt to get you to fund her lifestyle. If you do, she will self-destruct faster and dig all of you in deeper. </p><p></p><p>There is nothing easy or the least bit pleasant about a child who is self-destructing. I am sorry this is happening to her, and to you. You are here with us, now.</p><p></p><p>Welcome, welcome, welcome.</p><p></p><p>There is time. Take a deep breath and a mental step back. Your child will be okay for the next twenty minutes. Once you know how to let go of your worry for her for twenty minutes, try not to worry or think of her for an hour. Just say, "I will think those scary, worrisome thoughts in ten minutes." And then, in three hours. I found that I was bargaining for my child's life. If I worry enough, she will be protected, somehow. If I sacrifice what matters to me, she will not be harmed. If I were a better mom, this would not have happened.</p><p></p><p>But none of those things were true.</p><p></p><p>I had to learn to survive very bad, terrible things and cherish my life, anyway.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry this is happening.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter <em>is</em> in a dangerous situation ~ but it is by her own choice and you cannot change that for her.</p><p></p><p>That is why this is so hard.</p><p></p><p>The kids do terrible, hurtful things, and we love them so much it drives us a little bit crazy.</p><p></p><p>For today, she is fine.</p><p></p><p>And we have been where you are and we know how this feels and we are right here.</p><p></p><p>Together, we will all get ourselves and each other through the worst of it.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 651283, member: 17461"] No money. This is your ace in the hole. Don't waste it. What do you need this child to do to prove to you she has turned herself around? Until she has done those things, pay for nothing. Fund only the positives. She could be home. She could have all her needs met in abundance and she could be preparing for a wonderful future. Block her number. Unblock it once a day, or once every three days, or whenever you need to know she is okay. This child has forfeited her right to the responses a loving parent would normally make. She is browbeating you in an attempt to get you to fund her lifestyle. If you do, she will self-destruct faster and dig all of you in deeper. There is nothing easy or the least bit pleasant about a child who is self-destructing. I am sorry this is happening to her, and to you. You are here with us, now. Welcome, welcome, welcome. There is time. Take a deep breath and a mental step back. Your child will be okay for the next twenty minutes. Once you know how to let go of your worry for her for twenty minutes, try not to worry or think of her for an hour. Just say, "I will think those scary, worrisome thoughts in ten minutes." And then, in three hours. I found that I was bargaining for my child's life. If I worry enough, she will be protected, somehow. If I sacrifice what matters to me, she will not be harmed. If I were a better mom, this would not have happened. But none of those things were true. I had to learn to survive very bad, terrible things and cherish my life, anyway. I am so sorry this is happening. Your daughter [I]is[/I] in a dangerous situation ~ but it is by her own choice and you cannot change that for her. That is why this is so hard. The kids do terrible, hurtful things, and we love them so much it drives us a little bit crazy. For today, she is fine. And we have been where you are and we know how this feels and we are right here. Together, we will all get ourselves and each other through the worst of it. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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