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Parent Emeritus
Toxic Friends-Kicking you when you're down
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<blockquote data-quote="MissLulu" data-source="post: 757396" data-attributes="member: 24721"><p>JMOM, boy was that officer right! That woman was not your friend and I'm so glad you can see that and are detaching yourself from that toxicity. I would absolutely take her out of the dedication. She sounds like a joy sucker (and two-faced as well!)</p><p></p><p>I want to apologise now, because the rest of my answer is about me, not you. Your post just really rammed home to me how much I concern myself with what others think of me. You've made me think about how some of what I have done to 'protect' my Difficult Child was really to protect myself and my reputation. I'm trying so hard to let go of all that.</p><p></p><p>Like you, I'm an author. These days it's my full time job. I'm published by one of the big publishing houses (but only in Australia). My latest book came out at the end of last month. One of my great fears in the lead up to the publication of this book was that my son would do something that would cause me embarrassment and that it would be in the papers etc. I'm definitely not famous but I do have a public profile here and prior to the pandemic and subsequent lockdown I was booked to go on a national publicity tour to promote the book. I was afraid that if he got arrested (for example) that the negative publicity could affect my career.</p><p></p><p>But it's not just this that has concerned me. In the past I've really held back from being honest with my friends and family about my son. My brother knows a lot, and some of my close friends know a fair bit (but not everything) and that's because I fear people's judgement - not so much of him, but of me.</p><p></p><p>I'm trying REALLY hard to let go of that. If people truly care about me then they will understand and support me. If not, then I don't need them in my life.</p><p></p><p>And the career stuff? In the end, I can only control what I can control. I'm going to try not to worry about things that haven't happened yet. (I guess that's easier to say because the book has been out for a couple of weeks now!)</p><p></p><p>Thank you for making me think about this stuff and for making me feel I'm not alone.</p><p></p><p>I'm so glad you find comfort in this forum. I do too.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="MissLulu, post: 757396, member: 24721"] JMOM, boy was that officer right! That woman was not your friend and I'm so glad you can see that and are detaching yourself from that toxicity. I would absolutely take her out of the dedication. She sounds like a joy sucker (and two-faced as well!) I want to apologise now, because the rest of my answer is about me, not you. Your post just really rammed home to me how much I concern myself with what others think of me. You've made me think about how some of what I have done to 'protect' my Difficult Child was really to protect myself and my reputation. I'm trying so hard to let go of all that. Like you, I'm an author. These days it's my full time job. I'm published by one of the big publishing houses (but only in Australia). My latest book came out at the end of last month. One of my great fears in the lead up to the publication of this book was that my son would do something that would cause me embarrassment and that it would be in the papers etc. I'm definitely not famous but I do have a public profile here and prior to the pandemic and subsequent lockdown I was booked to go on a national publicity tour to promote the book. I was afraid that if he got arrested (for example) that the negative publicity could affect my career. But it's not just this that has concerned me. In the past I've really held back from being honest with my friends and family about my son. My brother knows a lot, and some of my close friends know a fair bit (but not everything) and that's because I fear people's judgement - not so much of him, but of me. I'm trying REALLY hard to let go of that. If people truly care about me then they will understand and support me. If not, then I don't need them in my life. And the career stuff? In the end, I can only control what I can control. I'm going to try not to worry about things that haven't happened yet. (I guess that's easier to say because the book has been out for a couple of weeks now!) Thank you for making me think about this stuff and for making me feel I'm not alone. I'm so glad you find comfort in this forum. I do too. [/QUOTE]
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