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Trading one mess for another
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 764523" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi newstart</p><p>I am thrilled for you to learn that your daughter is doing better and that you are feeling more secure and positive about your relationship. But I am so sorry to hear that your husband's behavior has taken this turn. I can only imagine your sense of betrayal and confusion. The thing is, I wonder if you would be paying too high a price to leave the marriage. People, all people, I believe have an irrational part—even the sanest of us.</p><p>Like you say, your husband may not understand why he is doing such a thing. But in my experience, almost all of us do something, sometimes that is not in our self-interest and may even be an act of self-betrayal.</p><p>You write this has cost you your peace. Forgive me if i am overstepping, but we can redefine our peace. I have learned I am even capable of redefining what love is._ And after going back to the drawing board and redefining love, I have found in myself the sweetest and deepest love. A far better version!</p><p>Maybe you would be willing to do something similar, as a way to accept your husband, even though you don't approve of his behavior and choices in this instance.I do not doubt that what he is doing has cost you great pain. But the thing is newstart, look what you've recovered from. Look how you've come to grips with the pain and disappointment with your daughter, and so much more. You can do this.</p><p>Your husband may not doing this against you. I do not believe he is. If you could try to see it this way, that he is momentarily lost to himself. Maybe this will become more bearable. You are very strong. With so much love to give. You can do this.</p><p>PS The part of this that I find the most noxious is if he invited the family member to your house without consulting you. While i think I would want to talk to him about this, at this point, if things are getting slightly better, I would not want to inflame them. It truly does sound like he is acting outside of what is his normal personality. All of it is concerning. I am so sorry.</p><p>_</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 764523, member: 18958"] Hi newstart I am thrilled for you to learn that your daughter is doing better and that you are feeling more secure and positive about your relationship. But I am so sorry to hear that your husband's behavior has taken this turn. I can only imagine your sense of betrayal and confusion. The thing is, I wonder if you would be paying too high a price to leave the marriage. People, all people, I believe have an irrational part—even the sanest of us. Like you say, your husband may not understand why he is doing such a thing. But in my experience, almost all of us do something, sometimes that is not in our self-interest and may even be an act of self-betrayal. You write this has cost you your peace. Forgive me if i am overstepping, but we can redefine our peace. I have learned I am even capable of redefining what love is._ And after going back to the drawing board and redefining love, I have found in myself the sweetest and deepest love. A far better version! Maybe you would be willing to do something similar, as a way to accept your husband, even though you don't approve of his behavior and choices in this instance.I do not doubt that what he is doing has cost you great pain. But the thing is newstart, look what you've recovered from. Look how you've come to grips with the pain and disappointment with your daughter, and so much more. You can do this. Your husband may not doing this against you. I do not believe he is. If you could try to see it this way, that he is momentarily lost to himself. Maybe this will become more bearable. You are very strong. With so much love to give. You can do this. PS The part of this that I find the most noxious is if he invited the family member to your house without consulting you. While i think I would want to talk to him about this, at this point, if things are getting slightly better, I would not want to inflame them. It truly does sound like he is acting outside of what is his normal personality. All of it is concerning. I am so sorry. _ [/QUOTE]
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