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Trading one mess for another
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<blockquote data-quote="newstart" data-source="post: 764618" data-attributes="member: 22416"><p>Excellent idea Crayola14, that same idea has been floating in my head. I have had long talks with my husband the last past few days. I can talk with him and then I feel my anguish and disgust coming to the surface and I blow up at him. I have asked him this question 'In the last 49 years that I have been with you have I once done anything so stupid that it made you super mad? He could not come up with anything. My parents had a toxic relationship, I was the middle child, I observed, hell no I don't want that when I grow up. The first five years of my life I was raised with a very ZEN grandmother, peaceful and loving. I don't remember one ugly word being said. Everyday was peaceful and fun. I know it is possible to live like that.</p><p>The other night I was so angry at my husband and called him out for the rash of stupid things he had been doing. He said 'Well maybe you just married an autistic man'. I think he wants to use that now as his excuse for his horrible behavior. Even that makes me boiling mad. A friend of mine is an expert in autism and I asked her if she thought he was autistic, she said no way, she knows him real well. Wow what a great way to do what ever stupid stuff you want to do and then smile and say you are autistic. Just typing that out shoots my blood pressure to the moon.</p><p>I have been to so much therapy in my life that the thought of sitting through it with a knucklehead that wants to use autism as an excuse just irritates me. Please don't worry about me, it is very healing for me to type this frustration out. I am moving ahead just moving ahead feeling resentful that my husband that knows that we buried our only son and raised a manic out of control daughter is trying this BS on me now.</p><p></p><p>He says 'let go of it now' and that was in the past and why are you hanging on to it so long, I have forgotten about it' or what? you are still mad about that? Good Lord.</p><p>And I look at this man. He has the most beautiful eyes, white teeth, nice skin, fit. If he was not so good looking I would be gone. Besides his new autistic act he tries to be kind and that is very important.</p><p>Dear God, Please help this man grow up. Please help him to stop wasting time on stupid things that cause huge amounts of pain. Please God give him the wisdom to do right. Please God, help me from wanting to pummel him, please God lessen my anger and let me get over this huge betrayal. Please God let us live in peace.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="newstart, post: 764618, member: 22416"] Excellent idea Crayola14, that same idea has been floating in my head. I have had long talks with my husband the last past few days. I can talk with him and then I feel my anguish and disgust coming to the surface and I blow up at him. I have asked him this question 'In the last 49 years that I have been with you have I once done anything so stupid that it made you super mad? He could not come up with anything. My parents had a toxic relationship, I was the middle child, I observed, hell no I don't want that when I grow up. The first five years of my life I was raised with a very ZEN grandmother, peaceful and loving. I don't remember one ugly word being said. Everyday was peaceful and fun. I know it is possible to live like that. The other night I was so angry at my husband and called him out for the rash of stupid things he had been doing. He said 'Well maybe you just married an autistic man'. I think he wants to use that now as his excuse for his horrible behavior. Even that makes me boiling mad. A friend of mine is an expert in autism and I asked her if she thought he was autistic, she said no way, she knows him real well. Wow what a great way to do what ever stupid stuff you want to do and then smile and say you are autistic. Just typing that out shoots my blood pressure to the moon. I have been to so much therapy in my life that the thought of sitting through it with a knucklehead that wants to use autism as an excuse just irritates me. Please don't worry about me, it is very healing for me to type this frustration out. I am moving ahead just moving ahead feeling resentful that my husband that knows that we buried our only son and raised a manic out of control daughter is trying this BS on me now. He says 'let go of it now' and that was in the past and why are you hanging on to it so long, I have forgotten about it' or what? you are still mad about that? Good Lord. And I look at this man. He has the most beautiful eyes, white teeth, nice skin, fit. If he was not so good looking I would be gone. Besides his new autistic act he tries to be kind and that is very important. Dear God, Please help this man grow up. Please help him to stop wasting time on stupid things that cause huge amounts of pain. Please God give him the wisdom to do right. Please God, help me from wanting to pummel him, please God lessen my anger and let me get over this huge betrayal. Please God let us live in peace. [/QUOTE]
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