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Trying to ignore a gnawing panic in my belly...
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 95787" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I have to keep reminding myself that your legal drinking age is 21. Ours is 18. </p><p></p><p>That said, our kids can get their drivers licenses at 17 (after notching up 100 hours of supervised driving plus passing a stringent exam, written and practical) but may not have ANY alcohol in their bodies while driving for their first year. The second year the limit is something like 0.01%, a nip of cough medicine can put you over. And we have cops everywhere, especially late at night. They are introducing curfews so kids can't drive after 10 pm without a certified good reason (working shift work is a reason, but you must PROVE you just came off shift). And no more than one, adult, passenger.</p><p></p><p>husband told our kids - you drive with alcohol in your system, you will never drive one of my cars again. Not ever. Not even when you're fifty. This applied when they were learning as well as on their provisional licence (two years of P).</p><p></p><p>Coffee to sober up - a dangerous myth. You pour coffee into a drunk and all you get is a wide-awake drunk. It takes time and the liver to clean the alcohol out of the bloodstream. And now, it has to clear caffeine as well.</p><p></p><p>There has been some research released only a week or so ago, saying that mixing alcohol with energy drinks or caffeine drinks is really bad - it makes the kids feel less affected so they can drink more, but kids doing this are twice as likely to end up in hospital, twice as likely to have an accident. Twice as likely to die from acute alcohol poisoning. It was on our TV here today as a warning - we're getting our graduation parties happening NOW, they were warning against unscrupulous venues which allow graduation parties to be booked and let the kids drink and do drugs.</p><p></p><p>Her relationship with Monkeyboy - she has wheels, she is independent, she will see him if she wants to. He wanted to see her enough to make the trip to your place. Be fairly sure that they ARE having sex. And without necessarily being careful.</p><p></p><p>We tried the prevention thing - because we're so far out of town with no public transport after dark, our kids' friends have always slept over. However, we did our best to supervise and stay up until after they went to bed. Then we found our girls trying to sneak out of bed to be with their boyfriend. At first we simply took turns standing guard, but eventually we realised this was silly - we had spent the first decade and a half of their lives (more) in giving them our moral standards and teaching them common sense - we had done all we could. We gave them a long talk, told them that we knew they were sleeping with boyfriend and if they wanted the fun of being sexually active, they had to embrace the responsibility. I dragged each girl off for a Pap smear and the Pill. I also took them shopping for condoms in the supermarket. It's really fun to embarrass your kids by asking them loudly, "Do you want the banana-flavoured ones, or the chocolate? I recommend you avoid the banana - it's very chemical, uses amyl acetate..." [I remembered that from making esters in science class at school] "...or ribbed or unribbed? Oh heck, I'll just buy several packets of each, whatever you kids don't want, husband & I can play with them."</p><p></p><p>It takes all the fun out of it for them. A lot of fun for me, though!</p><p></p><p>But seriously, it made a difference. Sure, the kids were still sleeping with their partners (except difficult child 1) but they weren't promiscuous and they now talk to me about any related health problems, because I smashed the barriers. And the warning we gave easy child 2/difficult child 2 about her first boyfriend (that he wasn't emotionally ready for a sexual relationship, and she would hurt him badly) turned out to be true (sadly). </p><p></p><p>But simply trying to play security guard and pretending it's not happening - they will instead be at it like rabbits and will be practising deceit, constantly. And this deceit then spills over into other areas of her life and your relationship with her. Very bad, especially if she's being irresponsible in other areas.</p><p></p><p>I'm not thrilled my daughters have chosen to live in a sexual relationship so young. But I have had to accept it's their choice, and if I want to keep them safe and talking with us, we need to live with this choice they've made. At least they don't go skulking off into the bushes.</p><p></p><p>I'm glad you're pushing your daughter to get her own insurance. I would also give her a lecture about the dangers of caffeine plus alcohol. And until she stops drinking heavily, ban driving altogether (if you can). Because a heavy drinking session can still leave high enough levels in her blood the next day, to get booked.</p><p></p><p>Good luck with this one, it's difficult.</p><p></p><p>And good for you, getting Monkeyboy involved in a family celebration. If difficult child says it was wrong to do so, then ask her if this means she really has no long-term plans for her relationship with him. And if this is the case, then why sleep with him now? Or even encourage him as she clearly is doing? Not fair on the guy, to lead him on.</p><p></p><p>SHE can't have it both ways.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 95787, member: 1991"] I have to keep reminding myself that your legal drinking age is 21. Ours is 18. That said, our kids can get their drivers licenses at 17 (after notching up 100 hours of supervised driving plus passing a stringent exam, written and practical) but may not have ANY alcohol in their bodies while driving for their first year. The second year the limit is something like 0.01%, a nip of cough medicine can put you over. And we have cops everywhere, especially late at night. They are introducing curfews so kids can't drive after 10 pm without a certified good reason (working shift work is a reason, but you must PROVE you just came off shift). And no more than one, adult, passenger. husband told our kids - you drive with alcohol in your system, you will never drive one of my cars again. Not ever. Not even when you're fifty. This applied when they were learning as well as on their provisional licence (two years of P). Coffee to sober up - a dangerous myth. You pour coffee into a drunk and all you get is a wide-awake drunk. It takes time and the liver to clean the alcohol out of the bloodstream. And now, it has to clear caffeine as well. There has been some research released only a week or so ago, saying that mixing alcohol with energy drinks or caffeine drinks is really bad - it makes the kids feel less affected so they can drink more, but kids doing this are twice as likely to end up in hospital, twice as likely to have an accident. Twice as likely to die from acute alcohol poisoning. It was on our TV here today as a warning - we're getting our graduation parties happening NOW, they were warning against unscrupulous venues which allow graduation parties to be booked and let the kids drink and do drugs. Her relationship with Monkeyboy - she has wheels, she is independent, she will see him if she wants to. He wanted to see her enough to make the trip to your place. Be fairly sure that they ARE having sex. And without necessarily being careful. We tried the prevention thing - because we're so far out of town with no public transport after dark, our kids' friends have always slept over. However, we did our best to supervise and stay up until after they went to bed. Then we found our girls trying to sneak out of bed to be with their boyfriend. At first we simply took turns standing guard, but eventually we realised this was silly - we had spent the first decade and a half of their lives (more) in giving them our moral standards and teaching them common sense - we had done all we could. We gave them a long talk, told them that we knew they were sleeping with boyfriend and if they wanted the fun of being sexually active, they had to embrace the responsibility. I dragged each girl off for a Pap smear and the Pill. I also took them shopping for condoms in the supermarket. It's really fun to embarrass your kids by asking them loudly, "Do you want the banana-flavoured ones, or the chocolate? I recommend you avoid the banana - it's very chemical, uses amyl acetate..." [I remembered that from making esters in science class at school] "...or ribbed or unribbed? Oh heck, I'll just buy several packets of each, whatever you kids don't want, husband & I can play with them." It takes all the fun out of it for them. A lot of fun for me, though! But seriously, it made a difference. Sure, the kids were still sleeping with their partners (except difficult child 1) but they weren't promiscuous and they now talk to me about any related health problems, because I smashed the barriers. And the warning we gave easy child 2/difficult child 2 about her first boyfriend (that he wasn't emotionally ready for a sexual relationship, and she would hurt him badly) turned out to be true (sadly). But simply trying to play security guard and pretending it's not happening - they will instead be at it like rabbits and will be practising deceit, constantly. And this deceit then spills over into other areas of her life and your relationship with her. Very bad, especially if she's being irresponsible in other areas. I'm not thrilled my daughters have chosen to live in a sexual relationship so young. But I have had to accept it's their choice, and if I want to keep them safe and talking with us, we need to live with this choice they've made. At least they don't go skulking off into the bushes. I'm glad you're pushing your daughter to get her own insurance. I would also give her a lecture about the dangers of caffeine plus alcohol. And until she stops drinking heavily, ban driving altogether (if you can). Because a heavy drinking session can still leave high enough levels in her blood the next day, to get booked. Good luck with this one, it's difficult. And good for you, getting Monkeyboy involved in a family celebration. If difficult child says it was wrong to do so, then ask her if this means she really has no long-term plans for her relationship with him. And if this is the case, then why sleep with him now? Or even encourage him as she clearly is doing? Not fair on the guy, to lead him on. SHE can't have it both ways. Marg [/QUOTE]
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