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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 677351" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>HI Hopeful! When you look at this, from your sons diagnosis, to his rapid decline, this is almost a decade of difficulty, really six years of<em> extreme </em>living. What I mean by that, is the constant up and down of living with a difficult child, we get so caught up in the drama of it all. I don't even think we realize how exhausted we really are, how much of a toll this takes on us.</p><p>It becomes a norm. That "here we go again...."</p><p>Then it gets <em>overwhelming</em> and we know we <em>have to do something.</em></p><p>I think it is such a long, hard process, to let go and let God. So many different stages, we go through. Guilt, heartache, anger, longing, sadness, we run the gamut of all sorts of emotions. It is so very hard on the mind and heart.</p><p> I call it numbing. It is a protection. You have had a hard time with all of this, especially since your son continues to poke and prod for help, rides, money. It just gets to a point where it all gets so old, and tiring. It is a strange feeling, isn't it? When it hit me, I was like 'What is wrong with me?" I did fall a bit back into sadness and despair with contact after that, but not as deeply and as long. Over the holidays, I became somewhat contemplative and paralyzed physically. I just wanted to think things through. Be careful. Don't fall into that one, because now, I have to get my body out of "rigor mortis". Take extra special care of yourself, because you are still in a delicate stage. Work hard to build yourself up. Get your toolbox out, because there are ups and downs still.</p><p> Your Sis is so smart, I am happy for you Hopeful, that you have her. Hug her for me okay? It is true, it is a part of the process. We lived in such a frenzied state with our d cs. I can't believe how tangled up I got, and how long this time, it has taken me to set myself free of it. Maybe that is so, because I am hell bent on fulfilling my promise to myself, which is NO MORE! The finality of that hit me.</p><p> It feels weird and puzzling at first, like something is wrong. There is everything RIGHT about this. You are learning to be FREE Hopeful. Free of all of the craziness. YAY YOU!</p><p>Keep working at taking care of yourself, your needs.</p><p>The ride is not over yet, there will certainly be more tests. Take advantage of this time of strength and keep on building on it.</p><p>You will be just fine Hopeful, you are doing really, really well! I am so happy for you!</p><p>xoxoxo</p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/hugs.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":hugs:" title="hugs :hugs:" data-shortname=":hugs:" /></p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 677351, member: 19522"] HI Hopeful! When you look at this, from your sons diagnosis, to his rapid decline, this is almost a decade of difficulty, really six years of[I] extreme [/I]living. What I mean by that, is the constant up and down of living with a difficult child, we get so caught up in the drama of it all. I don't even think we realize how exhausted we really are, how much of a toll this takes on us. It becomes a norm. That "here we go again...." Then it gets [I]overwhelming[/I] and we know we [I]have to do something.[/I] I think it is such a long, hard process, to let go and let God. So many different stages, we go through. Guilt, heartache, anger, longing, sadness, we run the gamut of all sorts of emotions. It is so very hard on the mind and heart. I call it numbing. It is a protection. You have had a hard time with all of this, especially since your son continues to poke and prod for help, rides, money. It just gets to a point where it all gets so old, and tiring. It is a strange feeling, isn't it? When it hit me, I was like 'What is wrong with me?" I did fall a bit back into sadness and despair with contact after that, but not as deeply and as long. Over the holidays, I became somewhat contemplative and paralyzed physically. I just wanted to think things through. Be careful. Don't fall into that one, because now, I have to get my body out of "rigor mortis". Take extra special care of yourself, because you are still in a delicate stage. Work hard to build yourself up. Get your toolbox out, because there are ups and downs still. Your Sis is so smart, I am happy for you Hopeful, that you have her. Hug her for me okay? It is true, it is a part of the process. We lived in such a frenzied state with our d cs. I can't believe how tangled up I got, and how long this time, it has taken me to set myself free of it. Maybe that is so, because I am hell bent on fulfilling my promise to myself, which is NO MORE! The finality of that hit me. It feels weird and puzzling at first, like something is wrong. There is everything RIGHT about this. You are learning to be FREE Hopeful. Free of all of the craziness. YAY YOU! Keep working at taking care of yourself, your needs. The ride is not over yet, there will certainly be more tests. Take advantage of this time of strength and keep on building on it. You will be just fine Hopeful, you are doing really, really well! I am so happy for you! xoxoxo :hugs: leafy [/QUOTE]
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