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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 708109" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>When M got home I asked him if he had seen my son. He had been working today at the place my son was staying.</p><p></p><p><em>I think he probably left, </em>I said.</p><p></p><p><em>I do too, </em>said M.<em> I did not see him all day.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>Well. Better this way: self-selection. We had finally gotten our act together, no longer tolerating his lack of follow-through, commitments given and not kept; the appearance of compliance, but only that. Almost all of the want was on our side. His wanting, what we could not, would not give: a free ride. Not just of money, but of initiative, responsibility, follow-through, commitment.</p><p></p><p>The wanting to make his life better, and some small steps to make it that way.</p><p></p><p>I have to take what I got, which is a lot: a much improved relationship; a year where I was able to love him and show that love in a way I thought was lost to me; the opportunity to clarify and demonstrate that I was willing to try to support him in a way that encouraged growth on his part; increasingly putting my money were my mouth is.</p><p></p><p>That is a lot. Let him go into the world again and see what he finds. The door will be open to him. But this time he will have to prove himself first: a clean drug test, a plan already developed and initiated.</p><p></p><p>I am sad. Tomorrow was the day he had said he would pay rent. I guess what we offered wasn't good enough, as long as we wanted him to want something for himself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 708109, member: 18958"] When M got home I asked him if he had seen my son. He had been working today at the place my son was staying. [I]I think he probably left, [/I]I said. [I]I do too, [/I]said M.[I] I did not see him all day. [/I] Well. Better this way: self-selection. We had finally gotten our act together, no longer tolerating his lack of follow-through, commitments given and not kept; the appearance of compliance, but only that. Almost all of the want was on our side. His wanting, what we could not, would not give: a free ride. Not just of money, but of initiative, responsibility, follow-through, commitment. The wanting to make his life better, and some small steps to make it that way. I have to take what I got, which is a lot: a much improved relationship; a year where I was able to love him and show that love in a way I thought was lost to me; the opportunity to clarify and demonstrate that I was willing to try to support him in a way that encouraged growth on his part; increasingly putting my money were my mouth is. That is a lot. Let him go into the world again and see what he finds. The door will be open to him. But this time he will have to prove himself first: a clean drug test, a plan already developed and initiated. I am sad. Tomorrow was the day he had said he would pay rent. I guess what we offered wasn't good enough, as long as we wanted him to want something for himself. [/QUOTE]
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