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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 708169" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Copa, if your love could save your son he would have been saved a long time ago. It's because of the love we have for difficult adult children that our hearts break. If we didn't feel love then we couldn't be hurt by them. Pain and broken hearts is the price we pay.</p><p></p><p>You know my story, I too bought a house for my son to live in. All he had to do was get a job. It sounds so simple and it should be but these difficult children do not see it that way. I don't think any of us will ever truly understand the mindset of how they view things.</p><p>I've shared before that my son did get a good job working in the warehouse of a furniture store. He started out making a very good wage. A few months into the job he quit. When I asked why his response was "because the owner has no clue how to run a business". My son said this about a man who has been in that same business for close to 30 years, obviously the man knows what he's doing. My son in his arrogance and cockiness claimed to know more.</p><p>I guess this where I started seeing, I mean "really seeing" some character flaws in my son. I started to understand that my helping was enabling and prolonging the inevitable. I wanted so desperately for my son to live the life I had envisioned for him. Coming to the realization that would never happen was hard. I was becoming more aware that my desire for his life was not his desire.</p><p>It still took me a long time to finally cut the apron strings and close the purse. Accepting that my son preferred to be a homeless wonderer was difficult but necessary for my own mental health and well being. His life is not the only life that matters. My life, your life and the lives of all the parents here matter. The older I get the clearer this is to me. We have a finite amount of time here. I always loved this line from the Shawshank Redemption "either get busy living or get busy dying". There is so much truth in that statement.</p><p></p><p>Copa, you and M have tried for so long and done so much to help your son. Only you will know when enough is enough. There are no time limits on how long we should continue to "help".</p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry for the heartache you are dealing with.</p><p></p><p>Be very good to yourself Copa!!</p><p></p><p><img src="http://cdn.quotesgram.com/img/91/40/230088583-Sometimes-Letting-Things-Go-Is-An-Act-Of-Far-Greater-Power-Than-Defending-Or-Hanging-On.jpg" alt="" class="fr-fic fr-dii fr-draggable " style="" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 708169, member: 18516"] Copa, if your love could save your son he would have been saved a long time ago. It's because of the love we have for difficult adult children that our hearts break. If we didn't feel love then we couldn't be hurt by them. Pain and broken hearts is the price we pay. You know my story, I too bought a house for my son to live in. All he had to do was get a job. It sounds so simple and it should be but these difficult children do not see it that way. I don't think any of us will ever truly understand the mindset of how they view things. I've shared before that my son did get a good job working in the warehouse of a furniture store. He started out making a very good wage. A few months into the job he quit. When I asked why his response was "because the owner has no clue how to run a business". My son said this about a man who has been in that same business for close to 30 years, obviously the man knows what he's doing. My son in his arrogance and cockiness claimed to know more. I guess this where I started seeing, I mean "really seeing" some character flaws in my son. I started to understand that my helping was enabling and prolonging the inevitable. I wanted so desperately for my son to live the life I had envisioned for him. Coming to the realization that would never happen was hard. I was becoming more aware that my desire for his life was not his desire. It still took me a long time to finally cut the apron strings and close the purse. Accepting that my son preferred to be a homeless wonderer was difficult but necessary for my own mental health and well being. His life is not the only life that matters. My life, your life and the lives of all the parents here matter. The older I get the clearer this is to me. We have a finite amount of time here. I always loved this line from the Shawshank Redemption "either get busy living or get busy dying". There is so much truth in that statement. Copa, you and M have tried for so long and done so much to help your son. Only you will know when enough is enough. There are no time limits on how long we should continue to "help". I'm so sorry for the heartache you are dealing with. Be very good to yourself Copa!! [IMG]http://cdn.quotesgram.com/img/91/40/230088583-Sometimes-Letting-Things-Go-Is-An-Act-Of-Far-Greater-Power-Than-Defending-Or-Hanging-On.jpg[/IMG] [/QUOTE]
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