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Twins-17
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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 423080" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>The twin issue! I am a twin myself. When I was little, the schools mandated that twins were placed in separate classes. Doesn't matter if your best friend ended up in your class - best friends were not mandated to be seperated (neither are bullies/victims for that matter) so it doesn't make sense that twins are. There was a therory that for each twin to get the most out of the educational experience that they were not allowed the other twin in the classroom if at all possible. I have mixed feelings on that one. Neither my identical twin or myself would have held each other back - you know, the one twin "hiding" behind the other that the schools are soooo concerned about - the one twin "talking" for the other that teachers could not be taught how to teach around. I would think having the school teach them together would give staff more opportunities to work with both twins so that one would not "mother hen" the other and the other would grow more confident in being independent with the first near by. Anyway, that is for another day and time. It didn't bother us that we were separated - we were very independent of each other - I just always thought it was unnecessary to be so just because of this "twins have to be seperated" issue. Victims have to share a room with their bully so twins should be able to also. Guess it is o.k. to bully but not o.k. to help!</p><p> </p><p>As twins grow older, they should establish a life of their own. They should not be expected to go to the same college, have the same job, ect. At 17 years old, your boys can have their own lives. It is o.k. if one needs more intense help then the other to provide that resource to just the one. If there is a strong bond then family counseling should address that.</p><p> </p><p>You don't want the one struggling the most to drag the other one down. You would hope the other could have opportunities to provide strength and guidance but you can not count on that happening.</p><p> </p><p>Usually by 17 years old, twins want people to see them as an individual. Being identical, my sister and I really struggled with that one. We had to almost push each other apart and stand tall and strong screaming, "LOOK AT ME!!! I AM NOT HER!!!" To the point that when I ended up in the same town and church she had already moved to, I did not feel like my own person. People at church didn't see us together and didn't realize there were two of us. They would be appalled at what "she" did. I would answer, "NO, SHE did not do that, I did!" Our styles are different so whatever I did wouldn't make sense to the congregation. It took years and years and years after she moved away for certain people at work and even church to stop calling me by her name.</p><p></p><p>We are strong people so looked on the humurous side of it all. All so funny but a less confident person would have struggles with it.</p><p> </p><p>I really can't say to keep the boys together or not because I do not know them or your entire situation. However, on my experience I would vote for letting them go their separate ways. Maybe the one struggling the most is keeping the other held back? Who knows?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 423080, member: 5096"] The twin issue! I am a twin myself. When I was little, the schools mandated that twins were placed in separate classes. Doesn't matter if your best friend ended up in your class - best friends were not mandated to be seperated (neither are bullies/victims for that matter) so it doesn't make sense that twins are. There was a therory that for each twin to get the most out of the educational experience that they were not allowed the other twin in the classroom if at all possible. I have mixed feelings on that one. Neither my identical twin or myself would have held each other back - you know, the one twin "hiding" behind the other that the schools are soooo concerned about - the one twin "talking" for the other that teachers could not be taught how to teach around. I would think having the school teach them together would give staff more opportunities to work with both twins so that one would not "mother hen" the other and the other would grow more confident in being independent with the first near by. Anyway, that is for another day and time. It didn't bother us that we were separated - we were very independent of each other - I just always thought it was unnecessary to be so just because of this "twins have to be seperated" issue. Victims have to share a room with their bully so twins should be able to also. Guess it is o.k. to bully but not o.k. to help! As twins grow older, they should establish a life of their own. They should not be expected to go to the same college, have the same job, ect. At 17 years old, your boys can have their own lives. It is o.k. if one needs more intense help then the other to provide that resource to just the one. If there is a strong bond then family counseling should address that. You don't want the one struggling the most to drag the other one down. You would hope the other could have opportunities to provide strength and guidance but you can not count on that happening. Usually by 17 years old, twins want people to see them as an individual. Being identical, my sister and I really struggled with that one. We had to almost push each other apart and stand tall and strong screaming, "LOOK AT ME!!! I AM NOT HER!!!" To the point that when I ended up in the same town and church she had already moved to, I did not feel like my own person. People at church didn't see us together and didn't realize there were two of us. They would be appalled at what "she" did. I would answer, "NO, SHE did not do that, I did!" Our styles are different so whatever I did wouldn't make sense to the congregation. It took years and years and years after she moved away for certain people at work and even church to stop calling me by her name. We are strong people so looked on the humurous side of it all. All so funny but a less confident person would have struggles with it. I really can't say to keep the boys together or not because I do not know them or your entire situation. However, on my experience I would vote for letting them go their separate ways. Maybe the one struggling the most is keeping the other held back? Who knows? [/QUOTE]
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