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<blockquote data-quote="mrsammler" data-source="post: 426481"><p>I would add that if you have an adult male family member--a brother or your ex-husband (if he's a good man)--nearby who can help you out via frequent presence and availability if you need help in controlling your sons, you should definitely recruit his help, as single moms can have a very hard time managing and controlling male teen difficult children who spiral downward into defiant and physically menacing behaviors. I hate to put it so bluntly, but sometimes it takes force, or the threat of it, to keep a male difficult child reasonably in check when they begin to present ODD behaviors. That was the case in my experience, anyway.</p><p></p><p>Also, if you haven't done so already, read everything you can find online about Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD) and Conduct Disorder. It sounds like you're dealing with the former and maybe the early phase of the latter.</p><p></p><p>Given what you've described, I'd say that the best possible course of action is to try, with as much help as possible from an adolescent psychologist and others, to wean your sons from the bad peer(s) and to get them back into the fold of their prior good peer group (if this applies--i.e., if this is the transition that has occurred). The recentness of the onset of their misbehaviors works to your advantage, I think, in this way--they are probably not yet fully excluded from, or willfully detached from, their former peer group, so "retrieval" is still a possibility.</p><p></p><p>Did either of them have active involvement in a sport or other positive organized activity? If so, have they quit it in the last year? Can they be nudged back into involvement with it again? I went into a low-grade difficult child phase (pot smoking, partying, decadence in general but without defiance or amorality or criminality--serious foolishness but not meanness or thuggery) when I was 18-20 (pulled out of it via an army hitch, but that's another story), but I was and had been a very active and competitive tennis player--played varsity high school tennis, summer tournaments, and on the city men's team and college varsity team--and it was that involvement, which I never fully detached from throughout my difficult child phase, which probably kept me from fully sinking into the full-on difficult child quagmire. If your sons had a similar serious involvement in a healthy & organized activity of that kind, I would suggest doing all that you can to nudge them back into that "groove."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mrsammler, post: 426481"] I would add that if you have an adult male family member--a brother or your ex-husband (if he's a good man)--nearby who can help you out via frequent presence and availability if you need help in controlling your sons, you should definitely recruit his help, as single moms can have a very hard time managing and controlling male teen difficult children who spiral downward into defiant and physically menacing behaviors. I hate to put it so bluntly, but sometimes it takes force, or the threat of it, to keep a male difficult child reasonably in check when they begin to present ODD behaviors. That was the case in my experience, anyway. Also, if you haven't done so already, read everything you can find online about Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD) and Conduct Disorder. It sounds like you're dealing with the former and maybe the early phase of the latter. Given what you've described, I'd say that the best possible course of action is to try, with as much help as possible from an adolescent psychologist and others, to wean your sons from the bad peer(s) and to get them back into the fold of their prior good peer group (if this applies--i.e., if this is the transition that has occurred). The recentness of the onset of their misbehaviors works to your advantage, I think, in this way--they are probably not yet fully excluded from, or willfully detached from, their former peer group, so "retrieval" is still a possibility. Did either of them have active involvement in a sport or other positive organized activity? If so, have they quit it in the last year? Can they be nudged back into involvement with it again? I went into a low-grade difficult child phase (pot smoking, partying, decadence in general but without defiance or amorality or criminality--serious foolishness but not meanness or thuggery) when I was 18-20 (pulled out of it via an army hitch, but that's another story), but I was and had been a very active and competitive tennis player--played varsity high school tennis, summer tournaments, and on the city men's team and college varsity team--and it was that involvement, which I never fully detached from throughout my difficult child phase, which probably kept me from fully sinking into the full-on difficult child quagmire. If your sons had a similar serious involvement in a healthy & organized activity of that kind, I would suggest doing all that you can to nudge them back into that "groove." [/QUOTE]
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