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Twins-17
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<blockquote data-quote="Vivian" data-source="post: 431723" data-attributes="member: 12049"><p>I'm going through something similar and I'm so glad I found this website. I, too, have 17 year old twin sons who are juniors in high school. My dilema is that only one has gone downhill full speed ahead in a matter of 6 months. My son went from being an A-B student last fall (and previous years) to failing half his classes, getting suspended from school for smoking pot and skipping classes on a continual basis. I can't believe what has happened to my son. We are a two parent household, middle income, involved in activities with our kids are very active with all of our friends and their friend for years. This has put a grinding halt to our lives and we have been living in an extremely stressful environment all winter. My son went through the mandatory drug abuse classes that were required in order for him to go back to school. After he was done, It took less than a month for him to start skipping again, not doing homework, not making up tons of missing assignments and of course....I drug tested him when I saw these bad habits again, and he failed. My husband and I are keeping him on a tight leash. I know my son, if I give him an inch at this point, he'll take it a mile. He doesn't feel that he's done anything wrong. We tell him he's forbidden to hang out with any of these kids that we feel are bad influences and he says that he doesn't agree with us and that they are his friends. We don't know then and of course he doesn't bring them around. We have grounded him and have spoken to all of his teachers, school counselors and principals with strict instructions that he is not to be allowed to leave any of his classes and if he doesn't attend, to let us know immediately. His twin brother has tried to help and he doesn't heed to any advice. My biggest concern is that he refuses to go to counseling or see a therapist. He's just become rebellious and as a result we have just laid down the law that as parents we have rules and he will follow them. And, until we can trust him again, he has no freedom. If his friends want to see him (the ones that we've known forever that haven't walked away from him) they can come to our house and visit while we're home. His girlfriend is a senior in high school and is wonderful and even she is struggling with his moodiness due to his lack of understanding and constant bickering with us. I don't want to lose my son down the wrong path and refuse to give up. But he's relentless. I know if he runs to the store, he will sneak off. His lack of motivation with school makes me scared to death that he won't make it his last year. I told him I'm drug testing him weekly now, and I find out that his drinking a lot of water because it can fool the test. I tell him to stop destroying his health and future with smoking and unruliness and he tells me that "he'll make a deal with me....he'll straighten up if I let him get a tattoo and ear piercings" and I told him absolutely not. Not while you live in my house or while I pay for your college education. When you graduate college with your diploma then do what you want. My husband and I maintain the discipline at home but when I come to work every day I close my door and burst into tears. I miss my son and desperately want him back. I wish I knew what the core issue was with him. His refusal to talk to a professional is distressing because he insists that there is nothing wrong. I have reached a dead end.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Vivian, post: 431723, member: 12049"] I'm going through something similar and I'm so glad I found this website. I, too, have 17 year old twin sons who are juniors in high school. My dilema is that only one has gone downhill full speed ahead in a matter of 6 months. My son went from being an A-B student last fall (and previous years) to failing half his classes, getting suspended from school for smoking pot and skipping classes on a continual basis. I can't believe what has happened to my son. We are a two parent household, middle income, involved in activities with our kids are very active with all of our friends and their friend for years. This has put a grinding halt to our lives and we have been living in an extremely stressful environment all winter. My son went through the mandatory drug abuse classes that were required in order for him to go back to school. After he was done, It took less than a month for him to start skipping again, not doing homework, not making up tons of missing assignments and of course....I drug tested him when I saw these bad habits again, and he failed. My husband and I are keeping him on a tight leash. I know my son, if I give him an inch at this point, he'll take it a mile. He doesn't feel that he's done anything wrong. We tell him he's forbidden to hang out with any of these kids that we feel are bad influences and he says that he doesn't agree with us and that they are his friends. We don't know then and of course he doesn't bring them around. We have grounded him and have spoken to all of his teachers, school counselors and principals with strict instructions that he is not to be allowed to leave any of his classes and if he doesn't attend, to let us know immediately. His twin brother has tried to help and he doesn't heed to any advice. My biggest concern is that he refuses to go to counseling or see a therapist. He's just become rebellious and as a result we have just laid down the law that as parents we have rules and he will follow them. And, until we can trust him again, he has no freedom. If his friends want to see him (the ones that we've known forever that haven't walked away from him) they can come to our house and visit while we're home. His girlfriend is a senior in high school and is wonderful and even she is struggling with his moodiness due to his lack of understanding and constant bickering with us. I don't want to lose my son down the wrong path and refuse to give up. But he's relentless. I know if he runs to the store, he will sneak off. His lack of motivation with school makes me scared to death that he won't make it his last year. I told him I'm drug testing him weekly now, and I find out that his drinking a lot of water because it can fool the test. I tell him to stop destroying his health and future with smoking and unruliness and he tells me that "he'll make a deal with me....he'll straighten up if I let him get a tattoo and ear piercings" and I told him absolutely not. Not while you live in my house or while I pay for your college education. When you graduate college with your diploma then do what you want. My husband and I maintain the discipline at home but when I come to work every day I close my door and burst into tears. I miss my son and desperately want him back. I wish I knew what the core issue was with him. His refusal to talk to a professional is distressing because he insists that there is nothing wrong. I have reached a dead end. [/QUOTE]
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