Thank you all.
It was mostly the therapist who read difficult child the riot act and it really did help him to get his act together.
By the time we got to the psychiatrist, difficult child was already very defiant. So it's so hard to tell if it's anxiety from his Asperger's or an emotional overlay or something entirely separate. He is so high functioning that the psychiatrist told difficult child he looked and acted like a typical teen 15-yr-old who was totally defiant. And difficult child said he was a child in his mind and just didn't remember things. The psychiatrist said that he may be behind in his mind, and have difficulty with-his thoughts, but his behavior said "Teenager." Teen friends, girlfriends, cigarettes, trying pot, video games, acting out with-parents, etc is all teenager stuff, not kid stuff.
difficult child countered that he just didn't "see" the toilet and other messes (which, if he lived alone, would get codes compliance in there, pronto, because there would be bugs and rats) and the psychiatrist said that he could learn those things and that having us tell him to learn them would not take that long.
difficult child countered that it was the anger that mostly made him act like a kid and he thought it would take him a cpl yrs to get it under control.
The psychiatrist wanted to know why difficult child gave it that arbitrary timeline.
And on and on.
Very rigid thinking.
difficult child is doing well this a.m.
I told him about my dad, and my b-i-l, and told him that when he gets a chance, he has to try on his dress clothes to make sure they fit. He was very good about it and despite what he says, he has matured, at least in regard to death. He used to say, "So?" and now he actually makes eye contact and his voice gets quiet.
