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Ugh... I hate having to say no
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 749239" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Most of this is very like our situation.</p><p>Nobody could or should tolerate this.</p><p>Or this.</p><p>My son is into this. I don't get it. What are they all reading the same garbage on the net?</p><p>I don't understand this. Where would she get the money for a place if she chooses not to work? They don't like the shelters because there are rules. And also they are upfront with other people who are homeless and they do not want to face the reality that they are the same way.</p><p>My son believes in this too. It makes me crazy. I refuse to speak or to be around him when he speaks about this topic. My son is mentally ill. I am wondering if your daughter is too. If she is, what she is doing is not rational and she cannot easily stop it without treatment. The problem is getting her to go to treatment because they do not necessarily recognize that they are ill.</p><p></p><p>The issue here is that it all arrives at the same place. They are impossible to be around and to talk to. When you found glass all over your kitchen what in the world were you supposed to do? You could have called the police so that she could be evaluated by the mental health crisis team. If something happens again like that, that is what I would do. So that she begins to have a record of this behavior and these crisis events.</p><p></p><p>The thing is she may not be able to work. I mean, hypothetically she could. If she was not antagonistic and disrespectful. Or put herself in trances, and use quantities of marijuana and alcohol or whatever....Or spout off about illuminati and reptiles (oh, that's my life, sorry) or believe the gold standard being put back will make us all rich....These kinds of beliefs and behaviors make it very hard to tolerate and conform to the expectations of a job.</p><p></p><p>If she is mentally ill, what can you do as long as she is not tethered to reality one bit, hostile, disrespectful and destructive? There is an organization called NAMI that supports parents of mentally ill people. Al Anon, too, is helpful, especially when there have been drug and alcohol abuse.</p><p></p><p>As parents we have a really, really hard time making boundaries with our children, and tolerating their falling into the lives that they either wish for or are capable of sustaining. I have had a hard time. My own son is no longer so hostile and aggressive. He is able to take in and comply with some of what I need (for example, consent to treatment for a chronic illness, at least sometimes). </p><p></p><p>In my own experience this is a balancing act. Each of us differs as to how much we tolerate their being out there and vulnerable. But then even if we can't tolerate it, we can't tolerate either their abuse and horrible and strange behavior and attitudes. Which is to say we can't tolerate this nightmare. Until we can.</p><p></p><p>That is why people here suggest practices like prayer and meditation and posting here and 12 step groups and psychotherapy. Because these things help us deal with the ongoing misery of a situation over which we have no control, and at the same time, live centered in our own lives (not only being the effect of them) with strength, heart and meaning and joy. It is hard, but we try. </p><p></p><p>Take care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 749239, member: 18958"] Most of this is very like our situation. Nobody could or should tolerate this. Or this. My son is into this. I don't get it. What are they all reading the same garbage on the net? I don't understand this. Where would she get the money for a place if she chooses not to work? They don't like the shelters because there are rules. And also they are upfront with other people who are homeless and they do not want to face the reality that they are the same way. My son believes in this too. It makes me crazy. I refuse to speak or to be around him when he speaks about this topic. My son is mentally ill. I am wondering if your daughter is too. If she is, what she is doing is not rational and she cannot easily stop it without treatment. The problem is getting her to go to treatment because they do not necessarily recognize that they are ill. The issue here is that it all arrives at the same place. They are impossible to be around and to talk to. When you found glass all over your kitchen what in the world were you supposed to do? You could have called the police so that she could be evaluated by the mental health crisis team. If something happens again like that, that is what I would do. So that she begins to have a record of this behavior and these crisis events. The thing is she may not be able to work. I mean, hypothetically she could. If she was not antagonistic and disrespectful. Or put herself in trances, and use quantities of marijuana and alcohol or whatever....Or spout off about illuminati and reptiles (oh, that's my life, sorry) or believe the gold standard being put back will make us all rich....These kinds of beliefs and behaviors make it very hard to tolerate and conform to the expectations of a job. If she is mentally ill, what can you do as long as she is not tethered to reality one bit, hostile, disrespectful and destructive? There is an organization called NAMI that supports parents of mentally ill people. Al Anon, too, is helpful, especially when there have been drug and alcohol abuse. As parents we have a really, really hard time making boundaries with our children, and tolerating their falling into the lives that they either wish for or are capable of sustaining. I have had a hard time. My own son is no longer so hostile and aggressive. He is able to take in and comply with some of what I need (for example, consent to treatment for a chronic illness, at least sometimes). In my own experience this is a balancing act. Each of us differs as to how much we tolerate their being out there and vulnerable. But then even if we can't tolerate it, we can't tolerate either their abuse and horrible and strange behavior and attitudes. Which is to say we can't tolerate this nightmare. Until we can. That is why people here suggest practices like prayer and meditation and posting here and 12 step groups and psychotherapy. Because these things help us deal with the ongoing misery of a situation over which we have no control, and at the same time, live centered in our own lives (not only being the effect of them) with strength, heart and meaning and joy. It is hard, but we try. Take care. [/QUOTE]
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