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<blockquote data-quote="Steely" data-source="post: 275629" data-attributes="member: 3301"><p>You know.........I could be wrong.........but before I even read your sig I sensed the fact that you are not his bio mom. </p><p></p><p>I was your husband when I was married to difficult children step dad. I felt pushed into constantly defending my kid. I felt triggered by the doctors, my husband, the judgemental neighbors. I knew my kid was mentally ill - but I wanted to somehow protect him. I did not know from what - but it was triggered by others who did not maternally know him. It was not OK or right - and of course I further hurt my kid - but at the time I could not stop. It felt like so many people were against my kid and me, even my husband, that the only thing I could do was defend and protect him.</p><p></p><p>I would really suggest stepping way, way back and let your husband handle this all by himself. Is that possible? He needs to feel like he owns his son, and is responsible for him without judgement or fear from others. I am sure you are not meaning to judge - but that could be what it feels like to him. I remember distinctly hiding things from therapists because I was just too scared to face their reaction. I was so so scared. I just wanted someone to hold me and tell me that my son was going to be OK - that was all. I needed it desperately. Maybe that is what husband needs from you in order to face reality.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Steely, post: 275629, member: 3301"] You know.........I could be wrong.........but before I even read your sig I sensed the fact that you are not his bio mom. I was your husband when I was married to difficult children step dad. I felt pushed into constantly defending my kid. I felt triggered by the doctors, my husband, the judgemental neighbors. I knew my kid was mentally ill - but I wanted to somehow protect him. I did not know from what - but it was triggered by others who did not maternally know him. It was not OK or right - and of course I further hurt my kid - but at the time I could not stop. It felt like so many people were against my kid and me, even my husband, that the only thing I could do was defend and protect him. I would really suggest stepping way, way back and let your husband handle this all by himself. Is that possible? He needs to feel like he owns his son, and is responsible for him without judgement or fear from others. I am sure you are not meaning to judge - but that could be what it feels like to him. I remember distinctly hiding things from therapists because I was just too scared to face their reaction. I was so so scared. I just wanted someone to hold me and tell me that my son was going to be OK - that was all. I needed it desperately. Maybe that is what husband needs from you in order to face reality. [/QUOTE]
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