Mikey, I think you need to get yourself into counceling. You are in a no win position and it is driving to the breaking point. You talk about your anger and feeling like you are going to explode and how your blood pressure is rising. It is time to step back and start taking care of yourself. Nothing you are doing on the McWeedy frount is making one bit of difference in your situation. You have no support from the wife or the professionals that are supposedly dealing with your difficult child. It stinks but it is.
I can empathise. My son was drugging and abusing me daily for months. All I kept hearing was "hang in there just a litte bit longer" from his therapist. It took her months to see through my son. Then he started verbally abusing her and her eyes began to open but she still told me to "hang in there" while she looked for an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). I did and for what? My son got high on crack, stomped on me and broke my rib. When the cop came to the house he said to me "what did you do to him?" you see my difficult child had gotten into scrapes with the law before and had told them monster mom stories. As a matter of fact he had told so many lies about me trying to gain sympathy from neighbors my reputation was pretty much shot. Even so, I still tried to help him and spent a fortune on legal fees and got the judge to sign off on an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and for what? difficult child left after 2 months was charged with a parole violationa and is ow in prison for the last year. I was out 50K for my efforts.
I still work for him in the sence that I make sure he is not abused and try to facilitate his move to a gruop home and obtain mental health services. We still carry him on our health insurance since we can until he is 21. But I do nothing at the expense of myself anymore.
There is alot more to my story and if you are interested you could probably read some of my old posts. But the bottom line is I learned that 1.) I needed to listen to my gut and and act accordingly in spite of what the pros tell me. 2.) I needed to take care of me. first last and always. To do that I went into therapy for a little while after the attack. I came here for support and advice and I sought out non toxic people to spend my time with. 3.) When out with friends or family I set up rules about when the topic of my difficult child could be discussed... Those bundries became very firm and it was never allowed to infringe on my good times.
It was a long process. But it was a necessary one. The results of these self care tactics are many. I am starting to get my health back. I am doing things I enjoy. I am not loosing sleep over my son and the situation he put himself into anymore. I'm sure some might read me as being cold towards him but they have not been there done that.
Take care of you Mikey it is important. If you take yourself out of the equation maybe things will change and maybe not but YOU definately will. -RM
