I completely agree with Coookie! It's not even so much rules for a "child" living in your home - it's a matter of simple common courtesy and consideration among ALL family members living in the same house, no matter what their age! I always called it my "off in a ditch syndrome" - if someone isn't home when they said they would be, I assume that something bad has happened to them, at the very least they're "off in a ditch" somewhere - and a few times my son really WAS! And, like Suz, my fatalistic reaction comes from the day my parents didn't come home when I was a kid - the wreck they had made my mother an invalid for the rest of her life. Fifty years later, I still cringe when the phone rings. So I can't help thinking the worst, and my kids knew that! I didn't sleep until they were safely at home. They ALWAYS called me if they were going to be late. The one time when my daughter was a teenager and tried to stay out all night, I had the police out looking for her!
My daughter still lived at home when she graduated from nursing school at age 20, and got her first nursing job working 3-11 PM at a hospital 60 miles away. I never could sleep until I heard her coming in, no matter how exhausted I was. When she took another job out of state and moved 600 miles away, I still loved her just as much, still worried about her, but I wasn't listening for her car to pull in to the driveway every night - there's a HUGE difference.
I, too, would question allowing a son that age to just "hang around". He seems to be back right where he started, almost unlimited freedom and spending money, with no responsibilities, nothing being asked of him in return, and he's still defiant and ungrateful, not even common courtesy. He's still running the show. How soon will he be having these surgeries? On our insurance, the kids would be dropped from the policy at age 19 unless they were a full time student. Is there not some kind of job he could find, even volunteer work, to keep him occupied and "off the streets" until he has the surgeries? What are his plans for after the surgeries?
CAmom, it looks like you are afraid to lay down the law and set consequences because if he defied the rules, then you would have to enforce those consequences - and he knows that. He's counting on that! It's always worked for him before and it's working for him now!
