Tish. I am only now seeing this thread because I did a search for you, after seeing you post on another thread.
I am so very sorry about your godson, your nephew. And for his parents.
With this quote you give me the possibility of a big hand up. I have been sinking and sinking back into depression.
Every time I sink back my hopelessness grows. It feels like I fall to a deeper and deeper level, each time I sink back again, and I am uncertain why.
I define success by meeting head on and working through tasks: like organizing my house and organizing my life. My whole life seems just a chore and I do not want to get up from bed. What is the point? If life is just a chore. I feel alienated from all of my strengths. (Because I was never a good organizer, I am defining for myself my value, based only in as organizing. I see this solipsism. I feel incapable of escaping from the wheel.)
And then I saw this thread, and your quote. I feel I am in that abject sorrow state. That I have gone below where I cannot get out.
Honestly, I do not know how I got here. Except that I feel it must be willful.
Searching for joy each day, feeling like sometimes looking for misplaced keys.
How I get that. How this makes sense. This is a decision that can be made. It does not necessitate that I find them. But that I search. Even if the whole day is a frenzied search for joy, not found. The intent is to find it: To find those keys.
It gives the possibility of purpose. Of hope. Because somewhere there are keys. I can decide define myself as looking, searching. Not as somebody who at one point in time, has not found them, and as such: failed.
Thank you, Tess. This makes sense to me.
So glad you are back.
