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update on 22 year old bipolar who is difficult to live with
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 605656" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Oh MrMike. I am so very sorry. I hear the anguish in your post and I can identify with everything you are saying and all that you feel. I am very glad for you that you have a counselor to help you walk through this maze of sadness.</p><p></p><p>As you know I have a daughter who is the older version of your son. In the beginning of 2012 she lived with us for awhile because she had been asked to leave the home of the friend she had been living with (on his couch) for 2 years. She had no place to go. Within a couple of weeks she had erected a huge green tent outside our back patio doors and stayed in that thing with her 4 cats because she found our simple house rules objectionable. Each time we set a boundary she broke it. Sometimes within hours of telling us she understood and would comply. She had a key to the house and ultimately we had to take it away and she had to knock on the door to go to the bathroom or eat. It was completely surreal. She thought nothing of it. To her, not abiding by any rules in any case is how she experiences freedom to be herself. Anything but her own perception of liberation is reprehensible to her.</p><p></p><p>Presently she lives with a woman my age who is ill. She pays no rent, the woman desperately wants her to leave but my daughter won't, she says, "I have rights." She has been living there rent free for over a year.</p><p></p><p>I can't explain any of this to you, but I do hear in your post very similar experiences. Nothing has changed for my daughter, however through my own counseling and hard work on myself, my daughter's choices don't have the same impact on me. I had to learn how to detach and accept what is. It's not easy.</p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry to hear this, I do understand your feelings and certainly the wondering why...........I can't answer that either, but what I can tell you is that you can walk through all of this sorrow and pain and come out the other side and live a fulfilling life NO MATTER what you son does or doesn't do. If I can figure out how to do that, and I am the biggest sentimental, sensitive, (hopefully recovered) enabler around...........anyone can do it!</p><p></p><p>You might try contacting NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness. They not only have parent groups which are very helpful, they helped me to find resources for my daughter. The Social Worker there told me he could help my daughter apply for Social Security/disability, get housing, jobs, education, medical insurance, medications, etc. I set that all up, but my daughter refused to follow through. Sigh.</p><p></p><p>You could also find out all the local shelters in your area and give the list to your son. Different states have different options for mentally ill folks. I also looked into all the Social services for my daughter. She does get food stamps now and has medical insurance, she was willing to do that but nothing else. She finds the annual forms you have to fill out to continue receiving government assistance a "violation" of her privacy, so often she doesn't do it for a long time until she gets desperate. </p><p></p><p>The bizarre choices some of our kids make are crazy-making for us parents. We want them to be safe and happy and the choices they make are often in direct conflict with our own perceptions of safe and happy. In order for me to maintain a life of my own and actually experience any kind of peace and joy, I have had to distance myself from my own child. It was a long process, a step by step experience of detachment........and I had a lot of professional support which proved to be invaluable. The sense of powerlessness, the sadness, the disappointment..............was profound and I needed help to navigate through all of that. </p><p></p><p>Hang in there MrMike, little by little we learn how to maneuver through all of this. We make choices, we follow through, we become comfortable with each step we take, we go through enormous emotional storms along the way as we learn how to do it all..............just keep walking through, keep taking deep breaths, get all the support you can find.................take good care of yourself and nurture your relationship with your wife............sending you lots of good thoughts and a prayer for you and your family.........</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 605656, member: 13542"] Oh MrMike. I am so very sorry. I hear the anguish in your post and I can identify with everything you are saying and all that you feel. I am very glad for you that you have a counselor to help you walk through this maze of sadness. As you know I have a daughter who is the older version of your son. In the beginning of 2012 she lived with us for awhile because she had been asked to leave the home of the friend she had been living with (on his couch) for 2 years. She had no place to go. Within a couple of weeks she had erected a huge green tent outside our back patio doors and stayed in that thing with her 4 cats because she found our simple house rules objectionable. Each time we set a boundary she broke it. Sometimes within hours of telling us she understood and would comply. She had a key to the house and ultimately we had to take it away and she had to knock on the door to go to the bathroom or eat. It was completely surreal. She thought nothing of it. To her, not abiding by any rules in any case is how she experiences freedom to be herself. Anything but her own perception of liberation is reprehensible to her. Presently she lives with a woman my age who is ill. She pays no rent, the woman desperately wants her to leave but my daughter won't, she says, "I have rights." She has been living there rent free for over a year. I can't explain any of this to you, but I do hear in your post very similar experiences. Nothing has changed for my daughter, however through my own counseling and hard work on myself, my daughter's choices don't have the same impact on me. I had to learn how to detach and accept what is. It's not easy. I'm so sorry to hear this, I do understand your feelings and certainly the wondering why...........I can't answer that either, but what I can tell you is that you can walk through all of this sorrow and pain and come out the other side and live a fulfilling life NO MATTER what you son does or doesn't do. If I can figure out how to do that, and I am the biggest sentimental, sensitive, (hopefully recovered) enabler around...........anyone can do it! You might try contacting NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness. They not only have parent groups which are very helpful, they helped me to find resources for my daughter. The Social Worker there told me he could help my daughter apply for Social Security/disability, get housing, jobs, education, medical insurance, medications, etc. I set that all up, but my daughter refused to follow through. Sigh. You could also find out all the local shelters in your area and give the list to your son. Different states have different options for mentally ill folks. I also looked into all the Social services for my daughter. She does get food stamps now and has medical insurance, she was willing to do that but nothing else. She finds the annual forms you have to fill out to continue receiving government assistance a "violation" of her privacy, so often she doesn't do it for a long time until she gets desperate. The bizarre choices some of our kids make are crazy-making for us parents. We want them to be safe and happy and the choices they make are often in direct conflict with our own perceptions of safe and happy. In order for me to maintain a life of my own and actually experience any kind of peace and joy, I have had to distance myself from my own child. It was a long process, a step by step experience of detachment........and I had a lot of professional support which proved to be invaluable. The sense of powerlessness, the sadness, the disappointment..............was profound and I needed help to navigate through all of that. Hang in there MrMike, little by little we learn how to maneuver through all of this. We make choices, we follow through, we become comfortable with each step we take, we go through enormous emotional storms along the way as we learn how to do it all..............just keep walking through, keep taking deep breaths, get all the support you can find.................take good care of yourself and nurture your relationship with your wife............sending you lots of good thoughts and a prayer for you and your family......... [/QUOTE]
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