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update on Difficult Child
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 665428" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Wednesday night Difficult Child and I went to the movie to see Mission Impossible. Turned out to not be such a good idea...but I'm working to see the value in it...for me.</p><p></p><p>He had started working at a new job site the day before, and was very anxious about it, thus didn't sleep much at all the night before. So...he was exhausted when we met at the movie. I suggested we postpone but he wanted to do it, so we did. He walked in with an energy drink and had to toss it to get into the movie. He drinks a lot of those drinks. </p><p></p><p>He kept falling asleep in the movie. Which was fine with me. But when he wasn't asleep he kept talking throughout the movie. A lot of stream of consciousness stuff about his new job, his raise (he just got a raise after being there for 3 weeks), his old job, his budget, his gas bill to get to the new job site...talking, talking, talking.</p><p></p><p>I started wondering if he was using. I was tensed up, trying to listen to him but also trying to evaluate. </p><p></p><p>We were the only two people in the theatre, which turned out to be good, since the last time he fell asleep he started snoring loudly. After about 15 minutes he woke up and I suggested we go ahead and leave. I was really okay with leaving but he felt bad that I had paid for the movie for the both of us and now we were leaving.</p><p></p><p>But really, I wasn't enjoying it.</p><p></p><p>So...then he wanted to go and eat. It was almost 9, and I said, no, I need to go home and go to bed, and you're tired too. But he was hungry, so he followed me here and I warmed up some leftover spaghetti and he ate that pretty quickly and left soon after. He kept talking and that was stressing me out.</p><p></p><p>So...since then I have been processing about that. The lesson I'm thinking is this for me: Keep your boundaries intact Momma. </p><p></p><p>I can get all excited about his turnaround, and like my signature says, the proof is in the actions, and his actions show tremendous improvement.</p><p></p><p>But it's not as "all pretty" as I wish it were, and the Cinderella in me (living strong, she does) can romanticize his progress too much. </p><p></p><p>Wednesday night I was reminded of this: "it took a long time to walk into the forest. It's going to take a long time to walk out of the forest."</p><p></p><p>I don't want to minimize his improvement. Where he is today and where he was a year ago is light years ahead. But I also want to be realistic myself about it all, and I need to resist my normal "Cinderella" mind-set. </p><p></p><p>I need to see it more clearly, for myself.</p><p></p><p>So, to me that is the benefit of being together Wednesday night, and I am reminded that I don't really want to hear every single detail or thought he has about his life. I get too engaged and I start judging and I start then feeling and then I get scared that it won't last. </p><p></p><p>I think the bigger issue for me it merely...acceptance. Of him, of myself and of everybody else. We are only human, and we do the best we can. That is what he is doing. That is what I am doing.</p><p></p><p>I love him and I want to be around him, but I need to do that with boundaries and limits. </p><p></p><p>Anyway, just wanted to spill it all out here for you guys, another step on the path. It never ends.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 665428, member: 17542"] Wednesday night Difficult Child and I went to the movie to see Mission Impossible. Turned out to not be such a good idea...but I'm working to see the value in it...for me. He had started working at a new job site the day before, and was very anxious about it, thus didn't sleep much at all the night before. So...he was exhausted when we met at the movie. I suggested we postpone but he wanted to do it, so we did. He walked in with an energy drink and had to toss it to get into the movie. He drinks a lot of those drinks. He kept falling asleep in the movie. Which was fine with me. But when he wasn't asleep he kept talking throughout the movie. A lot of stream of consciousness stuff about his new job, his raise (he just got a raise after being there for 3 weeks), his old job, his budget, his gas bill to get to the new job site...talking, talking, talking. I started wondering if he was using. I was tensed up, trying to listen to him but also trying to evaluate. We were the only two people in the theatre, which turned out to be good, since the last time he fell asleep he started snoring loudly. After about 15 minutes he woke up and I suggested we go ahead and leave. I was really okay with leaving but he felt bad that I had paid for the movie for the both of us and now we were leaving. But really, I wasn't enjoying it. So...then he wanted to go and eat. It was almost 9, and I said, no, I need to go home and go to bed, and you're tired too. But he was hungry, so he followed me here and I warmed up some leftover spaghetti and he ate that pretty quickly and left soon after. He kept talking and that was stressing me out. So...since then I have been processing about that. The lesson I'm thinking is this for me: Keep your boundaries intact Momma. I can get all excited about his turnaround, and like my signature says, the proof is in the actions, and his actions show tremendous improvement. But it's not as "all pretty" as I wish it were, and the Cinderella in me (living strong, she does) can romanticize his progress too much. Wednesday night I was reminded of this: "it took a long time to walk into the forest. It's going to take a long time to walk out of the forest." I don't want to minimize his improvement. Where he is today and where he was a year ago is light years ahead. But I also want to be realistic myself about it all, and I need to resist my normal "Cinderella" mind-set. I need to see it more clearly, for myself. So, to me that is the benefit of being together Wednesday night, and I am reminded that I don't really want to hear every single detail or thought he has about his life. I get too engaged and I start judging and I start then feeling and then I get scared that it won't last. I think the bigger issue for me it merely...acceptance. Of him, of myself and of everybody else. We are only human, and we do the best we can. That is what he is doing. That is what I am doing. I love him and I want to be around him, but I need to do that with boundaries and limits. Anyway, just wanted to spill it all out here for you guys, another step on the path. It never ends. [/QUOTE]
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