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Update on my son who attempted suicide.
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 497031" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>David, </p><p></p><p>I'm very sorry for your son, and you over his attempted suicide. There must be 1,000,00 whys in your head as to his choices. I know the shock must have been unbelievable to bear; we've buried two sons and both instances seemed to be so avoidable. Mortality leaves us with many unanswered questions. </p><p></p><p>My thoughts between your lines are that you have a son, he is 19 years old. He's made some super poor choices, and the consequences were literally nearly lethal. FOR HIM. When I read your post, and I'm in no way judging - but right now? He's in a treatment facility getting SCADS of attention, and everyone is being understanding, and I would venture walking on eggshells. I could be wrong, I hope I am. The point I'm trying to make here is I see a lot of "I'm looking, I'm trying, I'm doing." What I don't see so much of is your son saying it, and doing for himself. Is it NOT possible that he could call his doctor and have a man to man conversation about the choices that are out there for him, his treatment, his wellness? He is 19, not 9. These are things that if he really wanted to turn his life around? I think he would have more of an interest in doing. QUestions like "Well what is YOUR next step once you leave here? What course of treatment have you and your doctor discussed abouit getting YOURSELF better? I've found a few places to go - WHICH one have YOU contacted and asked questions about?" I'm not saying don't help, or look, or be supportive, but I'm trying to learn (the hard way) NOT to swoop in at the first sign of disaster and FIX it - The way I think it should be. I want to really know what your SON thinks about this situation he's created. </p><p></p><p>True enough finding an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or a sober house or a few for him to pick from - to me sounds like he is interested in getting well - NOT the attention a suicide attempt brings. Even in this delicate balance of mental parity and love - I belive the rest of what he attempts to do for himself is going to have to be IF HE INITIATES it. Giving him a choice......Not more than suggesting that this is what he NEEDS to do or should do. </p><p></p><p>Maybe in this case (like I said) I'm all wrong, and he's too fragile to do anything on his own, and needs his parents to straighten this out because it is such a mess. But I digress and ask WHO made the mess to begin with; who is mature enough at this point to get what he needs and make his decisions like an adult. This could be a really rare opportunity in his life for him to say - "I really messed up, but I turned my life around, and not because everyone told me what to do - I made choices based on decisions - my own decisions....and now I'm better for it. I think he needs to move - out of state, stay away from the friends and the place he is, get a life for himself somehow - and not return to a place that literally almost got his life. Where ever he does move? I would hope that the program has supports in place for him to find housing or 1/2 way housing, and a job, and further education. Whatever you do to support him as a family is critical at this point - but I think at 19 - he should be doing a lot of this on his own. That way you'd know for sure he was vested in his life as much as YOU are. </p><p></p><p>Just my .05 worth - and again, I mean no ill will - You're a terrific Father, and the young man is lucky to have you in his life. Just at this point? I think it would be wise for you all to get some counseling, and discuss the next move and how it could/should be done. </p><p></p><p>Many Hugs - </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 497031, member: 4964"] David, I'm very sorry for your son, and you over his attempted suicide. There must be 1,000,00 whys in your head as to his choices. I know the shock must have been unbelievable to bear; we've buried two sons and both instances seemed to be so avoidable. Mortality leaves us with many unanswered questions. My thoughts between your lines are that you have a son, he is 19 years old. He's made some super poor choices, and the consequences were literally nearly lethal. FOR HIM. When I read your post, and I'm in no way judging - but right now? He's in a treatment facility getting SCADS of attention, and everyone is being understanding, and I would venture walking on eggshells. I could be wrong, I hope I am. The point I'm trying to make here is I see a lot of "I'm looking, I'm trying, I'm doing." What I don't see so much of is your son saying it, and doing for himself. Is it NOT possible that he could call his doctor and have a man to man conversation about the choices that are out there for him, his treatment, his wellness? He is 19, not 9. These are things that if he really wanted to turn his life around? I think he would have more of an interest in doing. QUestions like "Well what is YOUR next step once you leave here? What course of treatment have you and your doctor discussed abouit getting YOURSELF better? I've found a few places to go - WHICH one have YOU contacted and asked questions about?" I'm not saying don't help, or look, or be supportive, but I'm trying to learn (the hard way) NOT to swoop in at the first sign of disaster and FIX it - The way I think it should be. I want to really know what your SON thinks about this situation he's created. True enough finding an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or a sober house or a few for him to pick from - to me sounds like he is interested in getting well - NOT the attention a suicide attempt brings. Even in this delicate balance of mental parity and love - I belive the rest of what he attempts to do for himself is going to have to be IF HE INITIATES it. Giving him a choice......Not more than suggesting that this is what he NEEDS to do or should do. Maybe in this case (like I said) I'm all wrong, and he's too fragile to do anything on his own, and needs his parents to straighten this out because it is such a mess. But I digress and ask WHO made the mess to begin with; who is mature enough at this point to get what he needs and make his decisions like an adult. This could be a really rare opportunity in his life for him to say - "I really messed up, but I turned my life around, and not because everyone told me what to do - I made choices based on decisions - my own decisions....and now I'm better for it. I think he needs to move - out of state, stay away from the friends and the place he is, get a life for himself somehow - and not return to a place that literally almost got his life. Where ever he does move? I would hope that the program has supports in place for him to find housing or 1/2 way housing, and a job, and further education. Whatever you do to support him as a family is critical at this point - but I think at 19 - he should be doing a lot of this on his own. That way you'd know for sure he was vested in his life as much as YOU are. Just my .05 worth - and again, I mean no ill will - You're a terrific Father, and the young man is lucky to have you in his life. Just at this point? I think it would be wise for you all to get some counseling, and discuss the next move and how it could/should be done. Many Hugs - Star [/QUOTE]
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