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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 723078" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am sorry he is so set in his addiction. More education on addiction and how to detach with love (and what that means to you and your husband) would be a good thing. I can see why you need to take a break for a little while though. Sometimes you just need a break, even if everyone tells you that you need something different.</p><p></p><p>Be aware that your son is going to fight going from the shelter to the group home. He may try to run away or hide from the shelter if they have to be out during the day. I don't think he has the skills to be gone for very long. You might want to make a plan for what you will do if he runs away from the shelter. What if he calls you and wants you to help him? What if he is gone for a week or two and then contacts you and wants to come home? How would you feel then? If you think about how you want to respond ahead of time and write out what you think you want to do, you have a plan. When that thing happens, if it happens, you have something to fall back on. You are not making decisions while dealing with shock and anger and confusion and pain and fear. You don't have to follow the plan you made, but it is a starting point. </p><p></p><p>I hope you stick to your guns and don't let him come back home. He hasn't done well there. You and your husband don't need the worry and fear that would come with having him there. He only wants to come home to his drugs, not his parents. He needs to see what life outside of your house is like and he needs this badly. I hope it means that at some point he will stop wanting drugs, but so far I don't hold out much hope for that. </p><p></p><p>Do very nice things for yourself and your husband while your son is out of the house. Spoil each other. Recharge your batteries. Indulge yourselves a bit. Let the people in charge of your son deal with him. You work on yourselves and your marriage. I know that each time we got our difficult child out of the house, my husband and I tried to work on each other as much as we could. It really helped, too.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 723078, member: 1233"] I am sorry he is so set in his addiction. More education on addiction and how to detach with love (and what that means to you and your husband) would be a good thing. I can see why you need to take a break for a little while though. Sometimes you just need a break, even if everyone tells you that you need something different. Be aware that your son is going to fight going from the shelter to the group home. He may try to run away or hide from the shelter if they have to be out during the day. I don't think he has the skills to be gone for very long. You might want to make a plan for what you will do if he runs away from the shelter. What if he calls you and wants you to help him? What if he is gone for a week or two and then contacts you and wants to come home? How would you feel then? If you think about how you want to respond ahead of time and write out what you think you want to do, you have a plan. When that thing happens, if it happens, you have something to fall back on. You are not making decisions while dealing with shock and anger and confusion and pain and fear. You don't have to follow the plan you made, but it is a starting point. I hope you stick to your guns and don't let him come back home. He hasn't done well there. You and your husband don't need the worry and fear that would come with having him there. He only wants to come home to his drugs, not his parents. He needs to see what life outside of your house is like and he needs this badly. I hope it means that at some point he will stop wanting drugs, but so far I don't hold out much hope for that. Do very nice things for yourself and your husband while your son is out of the house. Spoil each other. Recharge your batteries. Indulge yourselves a bit. Let the people in charge of your son deal with him. You work on yourselves and your marriage. I know that each time we got our difficult child out of the house, my husband and I tried to work on each other as much as we could. It really helped, too. [/QUOTE]
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