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Substance Abuse
Update on son- The cycle continues
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 762756" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear Helpless</p><p></p><p>I am sorry. Your son has never been humbled. Maybe this will do it. I hope so. He has always seemed to feel there would not be consequences. Or if there were, he could squirrel out of them. And he always did. I see this as a good thing. He can't keep going like this. I know you know this. But feelings are something else again.</p><p></p><p>He may pressure you for bail or an attorney or both. And he may pressure you to put money on his books. Be prepared.</p><p></p><p>With your son, I have not believed that addiction was the prime mover in all of this. Rather, his sense that he is above it all. Just smarter and more capable and maybe even superior to everybody else. And that has given him a Teflon-quality.</p><p></p><p>I do not think he needs support. I don't think he needs a hand. He needs to stew in his own juices. To marinate. I hope they give him a couple of years of time, but from the charges, they may just let him out. That will not be good for him. But what can you do?</p><p></p><p>I wish you and I could let go of the fantasy that they will just abracadabra, turn into another sort of person. Until he really suffers, he won't. He just does not seem to want to yet. Neither does my own son.</p><p></p><p>Engaging with them just represents pain and suffering to us. I am not saying they can't change or won't change, but there is nothing we can do to help them. I am evidence of that. I have done everything, and I keep trying. There is nothing that I do, say, give, and want, that is helpful in any way. I just get degraded and worn down by trying. Let him be, Helpless. Let him be responsible for himself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 762756, member: 18958"] Dear Helpless I am sorry. Your son has never been humbled. Maybe this will do it. I hope so. He has always seemed to feel there would not be consequences. Or if there were, he could squirrel out of them. And he always did. I see this as a good thing. He can't keep going like this. I know you know this. But feelings are something else again. He may pressure you for bail or an attorney or both. And he may pressure you to put money on his books. Be prepared. With your son, I have not believed that addiction was the prime mover in all of this. Rather, his sense that he is above it all. Just smarter and more capable and maybe even superior to everybody else. And that has given him a Teflon-quality. I do not think he needs support. I don't think he needs a hand. He needs to stew in his own juices. To marinate. I hope they give him a couple of years of time, but from the charges, they may just let him out. That will not be good for him. But what can you do? I wish you and I could let go of the fantasy that they will just abracadabra, turn into another sort of person. Until he really suffers, he won't. He just does not seem to want to yet. Neither does my own son. Engaging with them just represents pain and suffering to us. I am not saying they can't change or won't change, but there is nothing we can do to help them. I am evidence of that. I have done everything, and I keep trying. There is nothing that I do, say, give, and want, that is helpful in any way. I just get degraded and worn down by trying. Let him be, Helpless. Let him be responsible for himself. [/QUOTE]
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Update on son- The cycle continues
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