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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 766526" data-attributes="member: 18958">Your son's powerbase as he feels it now is in you. What you do for him. What you give him. What feelings he evokes in you. It's like he's only powerful if he's playing pinball (do they still play pinball?) and the ball lands in the hole. You're the hole.That is not real power. That is dependency. Your son (and mine) will only be okay when they see that their well-being depends upon them. Their behavior. Their choices. Their actions.&nbsp; Not on us. He needs to address his pleas for help to himself, that he do what he needs to do, to seek help where it is available. Not from you.It is always harder for me when my son returns to my town. But it's not as bad as it once was. The peace we seek is in us. It's not in them or what they do or don't do.I do not doubt that your son feels helpless and dependent. The more you and I feed that in our adult children the more we reinforce to them, they don't have to change. Crying is not a solution to problems. Dependency is not a solution. Helplessness is not a solution.</blockquote>

[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 766526, member: 18958"] Your son's powerbase as he feels it now is in you. What you do for him. What you give him. What feelings he evokes in you. It's like he's only powerful if he's playing pinball (do they still play pinball?) and the ball lands in the hole. You're the hole. That is not real power. That is dependency. Your son (and mine) will only be okay when they see that their well-being depends upon them. Their behavior. Their choices. Their actions. Not on us. He needs to address his pleas for help to himself, that he do what he needs to do, to seek help where it is available. Not from you. It is always harder for me when my son returns to my town. But it's not as bad as it once was. The peace we seek is in us. It's not in them or what they do or don't do. I do not doubt that your son feels helpless and dependent. The more you and I feed that in our adult children the more we reinforce to them, they don't have to change. Crying is not a solution to problems. Dependency is not a solution. Helplessness is not a solution. [/QUOTE]

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