Tiapet
Old Hand
I haven't been around too much, a post or two here or there is about all I've been able to manage. Things have gotten really really crazy and I've been just trying to focus my attentions on my household and the dealings. My health had been suffering and still is a bit but it's manageable. They wanted me to start under going iron infusions weekly because my chronic anemia has gotten so out of control (they have wanted this once before too within the last 2 years). I refused after reading up on what they wanted to use, the side effects/effects on my heart and respiratory that I already have issues with and the fact that they were going to have to give me benedryl before anyway? No way, that bode of bad things for me right from the get go! The difficult children collectively spun out of control in so many ways and so many issues to have to handle, appointments, little fires that kept erupting here and there with them, new diagosis, etc. You get the picture. I've just been so exhausted with it all.
Anyway, here is the new latest information for those that care but mostly this post is being done because of the workers we have working with the 2 younger difficult children. Mr. Busy has a male worker with him now who has replaced his orginal one we started out with here in this state who left due to health concerns, then another took over (who was worth zero) and then the original came back after being released only to leave permanently due to health and a move. Got that? Ok. Well his replacement is an older gentleman, I think in his 50's who has been working in this field (not sure if with this agency in particular, though I think so) for 19 years! He went up the chain of command to high authority and has held positions in just about every level there is and then decided the stress and such (travel and other things too) became too much and he just wanted to be a basic case manager (it's like a mobile therapist but much more involved here). At times he also covers in the local residential facility too.
I can honestly say, for the first time in a very long time, this man knows his ****!
He's on the same page as we all are regarding the dr's in that sometimes they think they are gods, that they don't always listen and take the time to understand what is going on or hear all you are saying to properly diagnose or prescribe medication. He is also very very dedicated to the kids! He tries to do all he can to keep them OUT of juvenile or any other placements if at all possible ( and sometimes goes over and above the call of duty)to find ways (new and inventive) to work with the kid and their best interest/strengths to make it work for and with them.
Just a few small examples, he spent 2 1/2 hours the other day beyond his allotted time helping mr busy handle a problem with something he has which is not related to mental health. In doing so he created a strong positive bond, helped him learn some problem solving skills, enforced what he has been teaching him about what to do when you are angry and frustrated (the proper thing). Today just after 8 in the morning I called him as mr busy was pulling the "I'm not going to school garbage on me" yet again. This is usually typical mid to late spring when school is soon getting out or if he has been having serious bullying problems (which has been happening). In this case neither was the cause. He was just blatantly being defiant in not going to school and giving a series of excuses that started and ultimately ended with he was too tired (refuses to go to bed at night and then can't get up in morning). In between he tried throwing out bullying (not happening), he had diarhhea (doesn't have), etc. Momma wasn't playing so I got on phone and called said worker to call his bluff (and hoped worker might work with me as I'd never done this before but I have called school and get no where as they don't have a truancy officer and calling the local sheriff does nothing as they do not come out). The worker immediately dropped what ever he was doing and spent about 20 minutes or so talking to me, tried talking to difficult child on speaker phone (he wouldn't get on the phone), and then back to me and was going to get in his vehicle and drive out here to talk to him/take him to school! Who does this these days? Who is that dedicated? Not many!
Ultimately I knew that difficult child would take it so far and would end up going to school after so long and sure enough, as soon as I got off phone and told him get your sneakers on we're going NOW, he moved while mouthing me and did it. I got him to school and called worker back to tell him. We discussed again (with a few laughs) what the plans were going forward with this kid. Neither of us want to see him in juvenile but if he doesn't stop this **** he is pulling (defiance, lying, violence, taking off to places he is not allowed, etc) then that's where he will end up but we have 2 steps to take before then at least.
We know that he still had his original ADHD/ODD diagnosis but they added the "partial autism" one, which is such a joke and means something else. He has his sensory issues (which also involve social issues), he has severe anxieties, they have kept the mood disorder on his list but he has never been actually diagnosis with it nor displays such so I'm not sure why it keeps appearing? And finally, he has a "sexual disorder" which has no actual meaning of such other then we know he is stealing underwear, bras and some other "girly" clothing at times. He also, as strange as this may sound and may or may not actually have to do with this, plays with plastic bags in the tub (sometimes takes them to his room and hides them or who knows what). He will fill garbage bags, ziploc bags, etc. Just recently he did the strangest thing. He took one of the girls bathing suits and filled it with clumping litter! Was he thinking he could create a "mold" in it? We don't know. We just know we ended up with a very ruined bathing suit, a tub full of litter that turned into concrete and was horrendous to get out, a bathroom floor full of litter too. We also just found him recently cutting into things. Not a lot but a few items of clothing with random holes cut. Not his but the girls, a string on one of my sun dresses. We thought some of the holes were being made by the washer (it's an HE and the spin cycle can and does do this too but these were clearly cut even holes). What the heck is this about? This is more indicative of a rage type thing isn't it? I don't know, just more worry of where this is all leading and yes, I'm posting this because I know how many people come here afraid to speak up about things of this nature, feeling alone. I want them to know they are NOT alone that there ARE other kids out there who do such things. We added zyprexa melts for prn for him vx his old prn of resperidal melts. He has outgrown them by far and we tried increasing the dose but it blew up his head into a migraine. This new medication works great! His rages are becoming much more often and not alway food allergy related anymore either. It seems that he is always yelling/screaming and not talking much. His main mood at least 50% of the time is anger/raging it seems. Maybe I'm wrong in estimate but it sure feels like it. And the defiance is over the top!
As for middle difficult child, ms queen, not a whole lot of movement in her behavior. I thought we had seen some baby steps forward with her. She'd come to me and admitted twice that she stole some things before they were found. Normally we'd have to question her up and down and she'd still deny it but those times this was freely done and she also told me to take money away as well as dessert for punishment on one occasion as 1 of the things she stole was her sister's ice cream she had just bought. It also appeared that she was learning to hold back some of her blowing up/rage and then throwing things in anger. That all lasted a few hot minutes and then she was right back to being like she is. She too has a great worker, though I have not seen quite the level of dedication or work as mr busy's but still she is good. I do at least feel I can speak openly and honestly with her and she will listen and she does try to help ms queen. difficult child is just a very difficult one to reach and we all know this. She has stolen lately but on a lower level however her lies are still at an all time high and she will hold her ground on them and never admit to it even when we can give her proof (physical or otherwise) that she lied. She has tried to triangulate the worker with me several times and now worker knows we have to check with her when something is said as does she with me.
Of the latest really troubling things that have happened is that ms queen called me one afternoon while I was out at the grocery store, only she had no clue I was just about home so I didn't answer the call. I was just at the entrance to our subdivision. I pull in driveway and I see this kid that I know is trouble and has been in the past to and with her. He immediately starts walking in the opposite direction away from our house (as if he had just left our driveway) and out she comes from front of house to meet me. She walks me into the house and goes back out to the back patio. That's where I thought she was. I'm in the house, put away the groceries and check my phone and see a voicemail. She had left a voicemail with the call she had just made and I didn't know it so I listen. She tells me "I'm going to friend A in the neighborhood and won't be back until 3 no 4". I'm thinking no way this is true as she has NO friend in this neighborhood currently plus I'm thinking I'm right here and if that was the case for real she would and could have just asked me in person. I couple that with the fact that I just saw that kid (knowing what happened months ago with him). I know right away she was up to no good! It meant she was headed to the neighborhood she is banned from in the next one over from ours. I wasn't going to go chase her down. It was pointless as she was already there, already in someone's house and other then going door to door (they lie and say she is not there when she is) there would be no finding her. I knew she'd come home maybe on time maybe not.
So 4p rolls around and no ms queen. 420p and in the door she walks and all I had to do was look at her and I KNEW she was high as a kite! I was livid!!! I mean I expected her to do this eventually (we all did) but already? WOW! So I laid into her and she tried to lie her way out of it but good and it didn't work of course. When I told her all her new school clothes were going back since she really didn't care about herself or how she appears then it doesn't really matter that we just tried to help her look and feel better about herself going forward into a new school as a freshman. Eventually she broke and started with "it wasn't pot". I said what was it? "weed". I laughed. I mean seriously? I know she has some cognitive issues but did she really not get they are 1 and the same? They are taught this stuff in school and she's been taught it several years now and we've had the discussion at home, especially with her older sister. Then I told her I thought she did it because of peer pressure, to be "cool". She says no. She did it because of the kid she was with and he handed it to her, what was she to do? . I said you know how to "just say no", you've been taught that in school (she said no she wasn't only this past year?
I told her yes, this is what peer pressure is about, feeling like you "have to do something".
On a positive side, we finally got her to the neurologist. She had an EEG done and will get the MRI we've been waiting on. Unfortunately it will not be the functional MRI, which one of you said she should have. They don't have that option available here and we'd have to go to some major city to have it done and our insurance won't pay for it. I guess an MRI vs no MRI at this point is better. I do hope it shows something though I know it won't necessarily help us as we can't do anything if she does have a brain injury. It will just help to explain some of the explainable stuff to us that we can't figure out going on. She did get prozac added to her medication list to help curb the obsessing of food/thoughts. It has helped a bit on the obsessing on the food slightly but not so much on the thoughts and her to desire to control everyone (she will think and obsess on what everyone is doing). She also got trazadone added for sleep. That too has helped a bit but she is still able to over ride it as well but that stupid medication has a rebound effect during the day and makes her tired.
Oldest difficult child has made tiny progessive steps in some directions but none in others. ~sigh~ Can't really report a whole lot with this other then we've come to an understanding that helps both of us out. With the younger difficult children trashing the house and refusing to pick up their stuff and such, she needed some extra money and I need some extra help around the house. I'm giving her some money weekly if she helps me do things. We created a written list of "chores" and how/when they will be done and then how much/when she will be paid. We did this to prevent any arguments in the future about it. She has it to refer to as do I. This way when I forget, which I can do since brain has not been working well or when she forgets or has to question it's written and there. No problem. I think it's a win win situation. I get what I need done and she gets what she needs as well. The house looks much better overall and stays that way mostly day to day with the exception of the weekends when she isn't here. She IS trying to work with me otherwise to and trying to watch how she talks to me as well as honestly working things overall with the difficult children too that she has been having problems with. She will instigate them into acting up "just because she can" or because she thinks something is unfair. She still is not on an even keel and doing things she shouldn't (and doesn't know I know it) but she isn't doing it in a way or place that effects me now. I went to her last therapy appointment and the therapist was happy I went because she displayed behaviors that the therapist had never seen before. I let her know this is how she is at home all the time! She thanked me for coming as it helped her in many ways to not only see some new things but understand other things
I'm still struggling with all of this as it is a lot, and a lot not written here. I try to just take it a day at a time, a minute at a time if necessary. I do think about ya'll and I try to keep tabs on the postings at the very least. I don't feel very helpful these days. I have put up a post or two, usually something I've come across in twitter world that I think can help any of you.
I wish I could do more but I really am drained and keep waiting for this second wind (ok it's the hundredth wind in my case!) to come by and give me an assist but it's just not happening these days. I actually had a day recently where I almost didn't even come home from an appointment and kept on going. I don't know where I would have gone or what I would have done beyond 24 hours (nothing drastic). I just knew I did not want to come back home to all that was going on and keep putting up with it. I'm just that damn tired! Sorry for a semi vent/rant.
Anyway, here is the new latest information for those that care but mostly this post is being done because of the workers we have working with the 2 younger difficult children. Mr. Busy has a male worker with him now who has replaced his orginal one we started out with here in this state who left due to health concerns, then another took over (who was worth zero) and then the original came back after being released only to leave permanently due to health and a move. Got that? Ok. Well his replacement is an older gentleman, I think in his 50's who has been working in this field (not sure if with this agency in particular, though I think so) for 19 years! He went up the chain of command to high authority and has held positions in just about every level there is and then decided the stress and such (travel and other things too) became too much and he just wanted to be a basic case manager (it's like a mobile therapist but much more involved here). At times he also covers in the local residential facility too.
I can honestly say, for the first time in a very long time, this man knows his ****!
He's on the same page as we all are regarding the dr's in that sometimes they think they are gods, that they don't always listen and take the time to understand what is going on or hear all you are saying to properly diagnose or prescribe medication. He is also very very dedicated to the kids! He tries to do all he can to keep them OUT of juvenile or any other placements if at all possible ( and sometimes goes over and above the call of duty)to find ways (new and inventive) to work with the kid and their best interest/strengths to make it work for and with them.Just a few small examples, he spent 2 1/2 hours the other day beyond his allotted time helping mr busy handle a problem with something he has which is not related to mental health. In doing so he created a strong positive bond, helped him learn some problem solving skills, enforced what he has been teaching him about what to do when you are angry and frustrated (the proper thing). Today just after 8 in the morning I called him as mr busy was pulling the "I'm not going to school garbage on me" yet again. This is usually typical mid to late spring when school is soon getting out or if he has been having serious bullying problems (which has been happening). In this case neither was the cause. He was just blatantly being defiant in not going to school and giving a series of excuses that started and ultimately ended with he was too tired (refuses to go to bed at night and then can't get up in morning). In between he tried throwing out bullying (not happening), he had diarhhea (doesn't have), etc. Momma wasn't playing so I got on phone and called said worker to call his bluff (and hoped worker might work with me as I'd never done this before but I have called school and get no where as they don't have a truancy officer and calling the local sheriff does nothing as they do not come out). The worker immediately dropped what ever he was doing and spent about 20 minutes or so talking to me, tried talking to difficult child on speaker phone (he wouldn't get on the phone), and then back to me and was going to get in his vehicle and drive out here to talk to him/take him to school! Who does this these days? Who is that dedicated? Not many!
Ultimately I knew that difficult child would take it so far and would end up going to school after so long and sure enough, as soon as I got off phone and told him get your sneakers on we're going NOW, he moved while mouthing me and did it. I got him to school and called worker back to tell him. We discussed again (with a few laughs) what the plans were going forward with this kid. Neither of us want to see him in juvenile but if he doesn't stop this **** he is pulling (defiance, lying, violence, taking off to places he is not allowed, etc) then that's where he will end up but we have 2 steps to take before then at least.We know that he still had his original ADHD/ODD diagnosis but they added the "partial autism" one, which is such a joke and means something else. He has his sensory issues (which also involve social issues), he has severe anxieties, they have kept the mood disorder on his list but he has never been actually diagnosis with it nor displays such so I'm not sure why it keeps appearing? And finally, he has a "sexual disorder" which has no actual meaning of such other then we know he is stealing underwear, bras and some other "girly" clothing at times. He also, as strange as this may sound and may or may not actually have to do with this, plays with plastic bags in the tub (sometimes takes them to his room and hides them or who knows what). He will fill garbage bags, ziploc bags, etc. Just recently he did the strangest thing. He took one of the girls bathing suits and filled it with clumping litter! Was he thinking he could create a "mold" in it? We don't know. We just know we ended up with a very ruined bathing suit, a tub full of litter that turned into concrete and was horrendous to get out, a bathroom floor full of litter too. We also just found him recently cutting into things. Not a lot but a few items of clothing with random holes cut. Not his but the girls, a string on one of my sun dresses. We thought some of the holes were being made by the washer (it's an HE and the spin cycle can and does do this too but these were clearly cut even holes). What the heck is this about? This is more indicative of a rage type thing isn't it? I don't know, just more worry of where this is all leading and yes, I'm posting this because I know how many people come here afraid to speak up about things of this nature, feeling alone. I want them to know they are NOT alone that there ARE other kids out there who do such things. We added zyprexa melts for prn for him vx his old prn of resperidal melts. He has outgrown them by far and we tried increasing the dose but it blew up his head into a migraine. This new medication works great! His rages are becoming much more often and not alway food allergy related anymore either. It seems that he is always yelling/screaming and not talking much. His main mood at least 50% of the time is anger/raging it seems. Maybe I'm wrong in estimate but it sure feels like it. And the defiance is over the top!
As for middle difficult child, ms queen, not a whole lot of movement in her behavior. I thought we had seen some baby steps forward with her. She'd come to me and admitted twice that she stole some things before they were found. Normally we'd have to question her up and down and she'd still deny it but those times this was freely done and she also told me to take money away as well as dessert for punishment on one occasion as 1 of the things she stole was her sister's ice cream she had just bought. It also appeared that she was learning to hold back some of her blowing up/rage and then throwing things in anger. That all lasted a few hot minutes and then she was right back to being like she is. She too has a great worker, though I have not seen quite the level of dedication or work as mr busy's but still she is good. I do at least feel I can speak openly and honestly with her and she will listen and she does try to help ms queen. difficult child is just a very difficult one to reach and we all know this. She has stolen lately but on a lower level however her lies are still at an all time high and she will hold her ground on them and never admit to it even when we can give her proof (physical or otherwise) that she lied. She has tried to triangulate the worker with me several times and now worker knows we have to check with her when something is said as does she with me.
Of the latest really troubling things that have happened is that ms queen called me one afternoon while I was out at the grocery store, only she had no clue I was just about home so I didn't answer the call. I was just at the entrance to our subdivision. I pull in driveway and I see this kid that I know is trouble and has been in the past to and with her. He immediately starts walking in the opposite direction away from our house (as if he had just left our driveway) and out she comes from front of house to meet me. She walks me into the house and goes back out to the back patio. That's where I thought she was. I'm in the house, put away the groceries and check my phone and see a voicemail. She had left a voicemail with the call she had just made and I didn't know it so I listen. She tells me "I'm going to friend A in the neighborhood and won't be back until 3 no 4". I'm thinking no way this is true as she has NO friend in this neighborhood currently plus I'm thinking I'm right here and if that was the case for real she would and could have just asked me in person. I couple that with the fact that I just saw that kid (knowing what happened months ago with him). I know right away she was up to no good! It meant she was headed to the neighborhood she is banned from in the next one over from ours. I wasn't going to go chase her down. It was pointless as she was already there, already in someone's house and other then going door to door (they lie and say she is not there when she is) there would be no finding her. I knew she'd come home maybe on time maybe not.
So 4p rolls around and no ms queen. 420p and in the door she walks and all I had to do was look at her and I KNEW she was high as a kite! I was livid!!! I mean I expected her to do this eventually (we all did) but already? WOW! So I laid into her and she tried to lie her way out of it but good and it didn't work of course. When I told her all her new school clothes were going back since she really didn't care about herself or how she appears then it doesn't really matter that we just tried to help her look and feel better about herself going forward into a new school as a freshman. Eventually she broke and started with "it wasn't pot". I said what was it? "weed". I laughed. I mean seriously? I know she has some cognitive issues but did she really not get they are 1 and the same? They are taught this stuff in school and she's been taught it several years now and we've had the discussion at home, especially with her older sister. Then I told her I thought she did it because of peer pressure, to be "cool". She says no. She did it because of the kid she was with and he handed it to her, what was she to do? . I said you know how to "just say no", you've been taught that in school (she said no she wasn't only this past year?
I told her yes, this is what peer pressure is about, feeling like you "have to do something".On a positive side, we finally got her to the neurologist. She had an EEG done and will get the MRI we've been waiting on. Unfortunately it will not be the functional MRI, which one of you said she should have. They don't have that option available here and we'd have to go to some major city to have it done and our insurance won't pay for it. I guess an MRI vs no MRI at this point is better. I do hope it shows something though I know it won't necessarily help us as we can't do anything if she does have a brain injury. It will just help to explain some of the explainable stuff to us that we can't figure out going on. She did get prozac added to her medication list to help curb the obsessing of food/thoughts. It has helped a bit on the obsessing on the food slightly but not so much on the thoughts and her to desire to control everyone (she will think and obsess on what everyone is doing). She also got trazadone added for sleep. That too has helped a bit but she is still able to over ride it as well but that stupid medication has a rebound effect during the day and makes her tired.
Oldest difficult child has made tiny progessive steps in some directions but none in others. ~sigh~ Can't really report a whole lot with this other then we've come to an understanding that helps both of us out. With the younger difficult children trashing the house and refusing to pick up their stuff and such, she needed some extra money and I need some extra help around the house. I'm giving her some money weekly if she helps me do things. We created a written list of "chores" and how/when they will be done and then how much/when she will be paid. We did this to prevent any arguments in the future about it. She has it to refer to as do I. This way when I forget, which I can do since brain has not been working well or when she forgets or has to question it's written and there. No problem. I think it's a win win situation. I get what I need done and she gets what she needs as well. The house looks much better overall and stays that way mostly day to day with the exception of the weekends when she isn't here. She IS trying to work with me otherwise to and trying to watch how she talks to me as well as honestly working things overall with the difficult children too that she has been having problems with. She will instigate them into acting up "just because she can" or because she thinks something is unfair. She still is not on an even keel and doing things she shouldn't (and doesn't know I know it) but she isn't doing it in a way or place that effects me now. I went to her last therapy appointment and the therapist was happy I went because she displayed behaviors that the therapist had never seen before. I let her know this is how she is at home all the time! She thanked me for coming as it helped her in many ways to not only see some new things but understand other things
I'm still struggling with all of this as it is a lot, and a lot not written here. I try to just take it a day at a time, a minute at a time if necessary. I do think about ya'll and I try to keep tabs on the postings at the very least. I don't feel very helpful these days. I have put up a post or two, usually something I've come across in twitter world that I think can help any of you.
I wish I could do more but I really am drained and keep waiting for this second wind (ok it's the hundredth wind in my case!) to come by and give me an assist but it's just not happening these days. I actually had a day recently where I almost didn't even come home from an appointment and kept on going. I don't know where I would have gone or what I would have done beyond 24 hours (nothing drastic). I just knew I did not want to come back home to all that was going on and keep putting up with it. I'm just that damn tired! Sorry for a semi vent/rant.
and totally understand. Just remember we are here to SUPPORT you so visit a little more often, please. Isn't it refreshing to have someone providing services to our difficult child's that actually GET our difficult child's!?! On that front, I am soooooo happy for you. As bigbear said, PLEASE take care of yourself first and foremost.