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<blockquote data-quote="Albatross" data-source="post: 753731" data-attributes="member: 17720"><p>It's been awhile since I posted.</p><p></p><p>About a year ago, Son entered a very strict and isolated year-long rehab program. No phones, no TV, no reading except the Bible. He sent several letters to me asking for forgiveness and saying his only prayer was that he could reconcile with his family.</p><p></p><p>After a couple of months, Hubs and I drove several hours to see him. He was surprised and excited to see me and said he was thinking of leaving the program, but having me show up was a sign from God that he should stay and finish. I was very happy I went if it encouraged him to stay.</p><p></p><p>Five days later, he left the program with the clothes on his back, saying only that he wanted to go on a hike.</p><p></p><p>He eventually landed with a recovering addict and his family, who took him in, helped him get a job, and sold him a car on payments over 1 year.</p><p></p><p>After making the first payment, Son got fired for drinking on the job, took off in "his" car, passed out behind the wheel, and got a DUI several counties away. Fortunately, Son didn't hurt or kill anyone, but the kind man who was trying to help him had to drive up and pay the impound fees to get his car back. It was then that I decided to break off contact.</p><p></p><p>Son left his mess behind and went to Colorado with no money and no phone. Hubs continued to field Son's complaints (from friends's phones) about the shelter, the man who gave him a job, the hard work he had to do, etc. Eventually Son was kicked off the job for drinking. His boss told him he could have his job back if he went to detox.</p><p></p><p>Son went to detox but met a woman who gave him a place to stay, so Son abandoned his job. His calls to Hubs became more and more decompensated; he was obviously drinking very heavily and likely using meth as well. Over a period of a couple of weeks, the woman he was staying with began ramping up requests for money from Hubs, stating she didn't have the heart to throw Son out in the cold when he was still drinking but couldn't afford to house and feed him. (Hubs and I suspected she was the one supplying the alcohol and drugs, since Son had no money of his own.) Hubs refused. Meanwhile, Son was sending Hubs horrible texts about me burning in hell for my abandonment, saying all of his problems stemmed from my being such a "drama queen," etc.</p><p></p><p>Eventually, the woman he was staying with texted Hubs to say Son "didn't look good" and she was calling the police to take him to detox. A couple of days later, the hospital called. Son was barely breathing when the police showed up; he was intubated for 2 days. When he regained consciousness, he asked the nurse to contact Hubs.</p><p></p><p>How sad is it that neither Hubs nor myself had any urge to fly to CO to see Son?</p><p></p><p>Hubs jumped through all sorts of hoops to get Son placed in a rehab in CO before discharge. Son spent a week in the ICU, then a couple of days on the floor, then a 72-hour mental health hold, where he refused a psychiatric evaluation, refused his medications, and was discharged before Hubs could finalize the arrangements.</p><p></p><p>Son refused to go to the interim facility his social worker secured, instead returning to the same woman's house, where she agreed to let him stay for a few days until his bed at rehab was finalized. </p><p></p><p>The night before he was to go to the rehab Hubs had worked so hard to set up, Son called Hubs saying he did not want to go to THAT rehab, he wanted to go to the rehab he had tried before (and walked away from). He begged Hubs to fly him back to our home state.</p><p></p><p>Hubs was very upset, obviously, and told Son if he didn't go to the rehab in CO after so much effort, Hubs would cut off all contact and block his calls. Son said he hated to see that happen but really didn't want to go to rehab in CO. Hubs sent him a text wishing him well and shut off his phone.</p><p></p><p>Within 2 days, Hubs was again exchanging texts with Son regarding a ticket home.</p><p></p><p>I was furious.</p><p></p><p>Hubs and I had a screaming match about the toll Son is taking on both of our lives and our marriage. I told Hubs I cannot abide Son's chaos anymore and Hubs can't give it up, and I wasn't sure where that left us as a couple.</p><p></p><p>I don't know if it's right or wrong, guys. I just know I can't do it anymore. I won't do it anymore.</p><p></p><p>Hubs and I went to a counselor (again), and Hubs agreed that Son has taken a very, very heavy toll on all of us and really doesn't want our help; he just wants our financial support.</p><p></p><p>Hubs finally decided to send Son a text saying he hopes Son decides to make better choices...and until he has several years of better choices behind him, Hubs doesn't want to hear from him.</p><p></p><p>Son made a few more efforts to get Hubs to cover his plane fare. Hubs has continued to ignore his messages.</p><p></p><p>Eventually we heard from a third party that Son somehow managed to get back to our home state and back to the program he left, but at least Hubs and I are on the same page about contact.</p><p></p><p>I feel like I've aged 50 years in the space of a few months.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Albatross, post: 753731, member: 17720"] It's been awhile since I posted. About a year ago, Son entered a very strict and isolated year-long rehab program. No phones, no TV, no reading except the Bible. He sent several letters to me asking for forgiveness and saying his only prayer was that he could reconcile with his family. After a couple of months, Hubs and I drove several hours to see him. He was surprised and excited to see me and said he was thinking of leaving the program, but having me show up was a sign from God that he should stay and finish. I was very happy I went if it encouraged him to stay. Five days later, he left the program with the clothes on his back, saying only that he wanted to go on a hike. He eventually landed with a recovering addict and his family, who took him in, helped him get a job, and sold him a car on payments over 1 year. After making the first payment, Son got fired for drinking on the job, took off in "his" car, passed out behind the wheel, and got a DUI several counties away. Fortunately, Son didn't hurt or kill anyone, but the kind man who was trying to help him had to drive up and pay the impound fees to get his car back. It was then that I decided to break off contact. Son left his mess behind and went to Colorado with no money and no phone. Hubs continued to field Son's complaints (from friends's phones) about the shelter, the man who gave him a job, the hard work he had to do, etc. Eventually Son was kicked off the job for drinking. His boss told him he could have his job back if he went to detox. Son went to detox but met a woman who gave him a place to stay, so Son abandoned his job. His calls to Hubs became more and more decompensated; he was obviously drinking very heavily and likely using meth as well. Over a period of a couple of weeks, the woman he was staying with began ramping up requests for money from Hubs, stating she didn't have the heart to throw Son out in the cold when he was still drinking but couldn't afford to house and feed him. (Hubs and I suspected she was the one supplying the alcohol and drugs, since Son had no money of his own.) Hubs refused. Meanwhile, Son was sending Hubs horrible texts about me burning in hell for my abandonment, saying all of his problems stemmed from my being such a "drama queen," etc. Eventually, the woman he was staying with texted Hubs to say Son "didn't look good" and she was calling the police to take him to detox. A couple of days later, the hospital called. Son was barely breathing when the police showed up; he was intubated for 2 days. When he regained consciousness, he asked the nurse to contact Hubs. How sad is it that neither Hubs nor myself had any urge to fly to CO to see Son? Hubs jumped through all sorts of hoops to get Son placed in a rehab in CO before discharge. Son spent a week in the ICU, then a couple of days on the floor, then a 72-hour mental health hold, where he refused a psychiatric evaluation, refused his medications, and was discharged before Hubs could finalize the arrangements. Son refused to go to the interim facility his social worker secured, instead returning to the same woman's house, where she agreed to let him stay for a few days until his bed at rehab was finalized. The night before he was to go to the rehab Hubs had worked so hard to set up, Son called Hubs saying he did not want to go to THAT rehab, he wanted to go to the rehab he had tried before (and walked away from). He begged Hubs to fly him back to our home state. Hubs was very upset, obviously, and told Son if he didn't go to the rehab in CO after so much effort, Hubs would cut off all contact and block his calls. Son said he hated to see that happen but really didn't want to go to rehab in CO. Hubs sent him a text wishing him well and shut off his phone. Within 2 days, Hubs was again exchanging texts with Son regarding a ticket home. I was furious. Hubs and I had a screaming match about the toll Son is taking on both of our lives and our marriage. I told Hubs I cannot abide Son's chaos anymore and Hubs can't give it up, and I wasn't sure where that left us as a couple. I don't know if it's right or wrong, guys. I just know I can't do it anymore. I won't do it anymore. Hubs and I went to a counselor (again), and Hubs agreed that Son has taken a very, very heavy toll on all of us and really doesn't want our help; he just wants our financial support. Hubs finally decided to send Son a text saying he hopes Son decides to make better choices...and until he has several years of better choices behind him, Hubs doesn't want to hear from him. Son made a few more efforts to get Hubs to cover his plane fare. Hubs has continued to ignore his messages. Eventually we heard from a third party that Son somehow managed to get back to our home state and back to the program he left, but at least Hubs and I are on the same page about contact. I feel like I've aged 50 years in the space of a few months. [/QUOTE]
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