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Urgent—32 year old bipolar daughter pregnant and may be homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 755874" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>This is all very like with my son who has squatted in the yard of a rental home that I own, basically forcing me to call the police on him, getting an order of trespass and thinking about a restraining order. It's better now, because he's in a sober living home. He only went because I stopped buying food for him. Any food.My son did this too. He arranged to receive mail at the address to try to establish legal residency, so that I would be forced to evict him. Many times, he has refused to leave. And articulated that I would have to force him. No good deed goes unpunished.</p><p>My son does this too. Happily, he will live homeless, while stating that the homeless shelter is too dangerous. Or now, in the Sober Living Home he says the house manager uses Meth. I told him, <em>work it out, because you're not coming back to the house.</em> I told him I rented it already to somebody else. I thought I had, but it fell through.</p><p></p><p>What I am saying here is that sooner or later your daughter will have to live according to the effort she puts in and according to what is her bottom line. This is the most painful thing I have gone through in a lifetime of pain. Accepting this. That my son must live according to his own inner abilities and needs. </p><p></p><p>For the children who bring us here, our support does not help them. Only the support they will access on their own, through mental health, drug treatment, 12 step groups, government benefits. Through services like these they actually build for themselves a true support network.</p><p></p><p>Somehow they experience what we do as enmeshment, that they need to undue or sabotage, and they seem to use our support, to further bad habits. I have found that the cost of this has been considerable, to me and to my son.</p><p></p><p>I think you are doing all of the right things, trying to identify resources and services that your daughter can reach out to and depend upon, independent of you. But the reality is that we can't make them do this, or sustain it, and we must learn to tolerate it if they do not. </p><p></p><p>That has been the hardest part for me. I am very grateful my son is in the sober living home. But I have no control whatsoever, that he seeks treatment, stays on, or does one other thing. It's painful but it's real.</p><p></p><p>I do hope you check back as you can to give us an update. And I hope you stay on. It helps. It does.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 755874, member: 18958"] This is all very like with my son who has squatted in the yard of a rental home that I own, basically forcing me to call the police on him, getting an order of trespass and thinking about a restraining order. It's better now, because he's in a sober living home. He only went because I stopped buying food for him. Any food.My son did this too. He arranged to receive mail at the address to try to establish legal residency, so that I would be forced to evict him. Many times, he has refused to leave. And articulated that I would have to force him. No good deed goes unpunished. My son does this too. Happily, he will live homeless, while stating that the homeless shelter is too dangerous. Or now, in the Sober Living Home he says the house manager uses Meth. I told him, [I]work it out, because you're not coming back to the house.[/I] I told him I rented it already to somebody else. I thought I had, but it fell through. What I am saying here is that sooner or later your daughter will have to live according to the effort she puts in and according to what is her bottom line. This is the most painful thing I have gone through in a lifetime of pain. Accepting this. That my son must live according to his own inner abilities and needs. For the children who bring us here, our support does not help them. Only the support they will access on their own, through mental health, drug treatment, 12 step groups, government benefits. Through services like these they actually build for themselves a true support network. Somehow they experience what we do as enmeshment, that they need to undue or sabotage, and they seem to use our support, to further bad habits. I have found that the cost of this has been considerable, to me and to my son. I think you are doing all of the right things, trying to identify resources and services that your daughter can reach out to and depend upon, independent of you. But the reality is that we can't make them do this, or sustain it, and we must learn to tolerate it if they do not. That has been the hardest part for me. I am very grateful my son is in the sober living home. But I have no control whatsoever, that he seeks treatment, stays on, or does one other thing. It's painful but it's real. I do hope you check back as you can to give us an update. And I hope you stay on. It helps. It does. [/QUOTE]
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Urgent—32 year old bipolar daughter pregnant and may be homeless
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