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Parent Emeritus
Venting, but I need feedback to help grow a spine.
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<blockquote data-quote="Beta" data-source="post: 754001" data-attributes="member: 22597"><p>Hi Acacia, Welcome back, although I'm sorry you have reason to be here and I'm sorry for the disappointment your son caused when you were looking forward to gifting him with a month's rent coverage. One of the posters here was right--his response decimated any joy you had in doing that. I would just add that I completely agree with what's been said: You're not obligated to just give him the money to use any way he wishes; it is a gift and you have the right to designate how it's used. I would pay the landlord directly. If he refuses to allow you to do that, then I would withdraw it. </p><p>Don't feel guilty about your response--we all struggle with finding the balance between compassion and protecting ourselves from abuse. Our son lives in another state but is very abusive and threatening, unless he needs something. He texted my husband Wednesday night and asked for money for food, saying he was able to pay his rent, but needed food. We were literally traveling to our other son's home and stopped at a Walmart to wire some food money, despite what we have said about sending him money. Did he use it for food? We hope so, but we just couldn't not do it. Were we wrong? Who knows? Maybe. Maybe not. </p><p>I too am so tired of hurting. I totally get what you're saying there.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Beta, post: 754001, member: 22597"] Hi Acacia, Welcome back, although I'm sorry you have reason to be here and I'm sorry for the disappointment your son caused when you were looking forward to gifting him with a month's rent coverage. One of the posters here was right--his response decimated any joy you had in doing that. I would just add that I completely agree with what's been said: You're not obligated to just give him the money to use any way he wishes; it is a gift and you have the right to designate how it's used. I would pay the landlord directly. If he refuses to allow you to do that, then I would withdraw it. Don't feel guilty about your response--we all struggle with finding the balance between compassion and protecting ourselves from abuse. Our son lives in another state but is very abusive and threatening, unless he needs something. He texted my husband Wednesday night and asked for money for food, saying he was able to pay his rent, but needed food. We were literally traveling to our other son's home and stopped at a Walmart to wire some food money, despite what we have said about sending him money. Did he use it for food? We hope so, but we just couldn't not do it. Were we wrong? Who knows? Maybe. Maybe not. I too am so tired of hurting. I totally get what you're saying there. [/QUOTE]
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Venting, but I need feedback to help grow a spine.
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