2much, I do that now. Sometimes I backslide like I did when I heard that Junior is having problems...after all, although I have only seen him three times, he is a child and I wanted to pass along what I learned working within the school district so that my son knew more than I had known. I'm sorry I tried. I won't make that mistake again. I am not going to talk to him again until I feel strong enough to do so.
When one is depressed, we only see the dark side of life. Today I feel better; I feel strong. Some of the things that made me tired, now make me feel like a survivor. I have survived, and very well, having early onset mental health issues. I have survived having 36 and we actually still have a relationship and I know he loves me, even though he loses it sometimes and is selfish to the core. Scott left us, but he was adopted at age six and, although I loved him like a son, he didn't bond. That is actually quite normal for older child adoption. I let him go long ago and survived and still have three top notch adult children...Jumper, Sonic and Julie...and now a beautiful grandaughter. Yes, a child we adopted sexually abused Sonic and Jumper, but they got extensive help and are both doing extremely well. Julie had also been assaulted at a friend's house by a stranger at age eight. She has decided, per herself, not to let that define her and has made a good life for herself and I am so proud. It's true that I don't have friends that I would consider FRIENDS, but I have my little family. Those are blessings. Many people don't have what I do. I have to live or they will be destroyed. Suicide destroys people in a way that natural death does not. So there!!!! 
I am going to work today. I like my job. The people are nice. That is another blessing.
Usually I can stay focused on these pluses and strengths of not just me, but my family unit. This weekend, I was in a down cycle and there was a lot going on for one weekend. But I survived last weekend too.
Jumper is getting a new tatoo. I asked her what it will say and she said, "Family above everything." Of course, being the sentimental softie I am, I cried...lol.
