Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Waiting for the rain to start....
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Mikey" data-source="post: 34891" data-attributes="member: 3579"><p><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: KFld</div><div class="ubbcode-body">The key is staying away from those type of friends, but at his age it is so hard. I remember being a teenager and if my parents ever said, you can't hang around with x,y and z anymore, I would have said, YEAH RIGHT!!! I remember trying that with my difficult child when I felt a few of his friends were bad influences, and all it did was cause him to lie about where he was going.</p><p></p><p>Hopefully your son will find some different, more positive friends, because as long as he's hanging with the same ones, it will be very difficult for him to not participate in whatever they are doing. </div></div></p><p></p><p>That's been my experience. He blatantly admitted that he'd spend "hours" dreaming up elaborate schemes to hang out with these people in ways that we wouldn't suspect. Finally came clean when he got busted a few times for these lies. Stopped lying when I told him I'd prefer that he defiantly tell me what he's doing and run off rather than lie, in which case we have NO idea who he's with or where he is.</p><p></p><p>So far, I've gotten pretty much exactly what I've asked for...</p><p>:hammer: </p><p>But knowing what he's doing, and who he's with is better (for me) than not knowing - even if I don't like it or agree with it. And it works both ways. Beforehand, he would concoct these lies and become indignant if we didn't believe him (or followed up on him, which is how he got busted). Now, if he chooses to act out against our wishes, we also have the license to be nosy, aggravating, stalking parents, and he doesn't have a leg to stand on and complain. He can't have it both ways, and found that out a few weeks ago (I see that now, with the help of the good folks here on CD).</p><p></p><p>So no, I can't pick his friends, nor can I keep him from hanging with them unless I'm willing to have him locked up or kick him out of the house. Unless I'm missing something, the only thing I can do is continue to patiently work with him and his therapist to help him see his life for what it truly is. Then, he'll either see the need for change, or he won't. I agree that forcing the issue will only make the matter worse.</p><p></p><p>Don't know what the "final" answer is, but this is the only one we have at the moment that's shown any hope of success. Until something better comes along, or things get worse....</p><p></p><p>Mikey</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mikey, post: 34891, member: 3579"] <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: KFld</div><div class="ubbcode-body">The key is staying away from those type of friends, but at his age it is so hard. I remember being a teenager and if my parents ever said, you can't hang around with x,y and z anymore, I would have said, YEAH RIGHT!!! I remember trying that with my difficult child when I felt a few of his friends were bad influences, and all it did was cause him to lie about where he was going. Hopefully your son will find some different, more positive friends, because as long as he's hanging with the same ones, it will be very difficult for him to not participate in whatever they are doing. </div></div> That's been my experience. He blatantly admitted that he'd spend "hours" dreaming up elaborate schemes to hang out with these people in ways that we wouldn't suspect. Finally came clean when he got busted a few times for these lies. Stopped lying when I told him I'd prefer that he defiantly tell me what he's doing and run off rather than lie, in which case we have NO idea who he's with or where he is. So far, I've gotten pretty much exactly what I've asked for... [img]:hammer:[/img] But knowing what he's doing, and who he's with is better (for me) than not knowing - even if I don't like it or agree with it. And it works both ways. Beforehand, he would concoct these lies and become indignant if we didn't believe him (or followed up on him, which is how he got busted). Now, if he chooses to act out against our wishes, we also have the license to be nosy, aggravating, stalking parents, and he doesn't have a leg to stand on and complain. He can't have it both ways, and found that out a few weeks ago (I see that now, with the help of the good folks here on CD). So no, I can't pick his friends, nor can I keep him from hanging with them unless I'm willing to have him locked up or kick him out of the house. Unless I'm missing something, the only thing I can do is continue to patiently work with him and his therapist to help him see his life for what it truly is. Then, he'll either see the need for change, or he won't. I agree that forcing the issue will only make the matter worse. Don't know what the "final" answer is, but this is the only one we have at the moment that's shown any hope of success. Until something better comes along, or things get worse.... Mikey [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Waiting for the rain to start....
Top