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Family of Origin
Walking down Memory Lane
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 669322" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Nobody has a right to tell you how to deal with your own feelings and experience.</p><p>She can listen or not. But she has no right to tell you what you need or how to act.</p><p></p><p>You stood up to her. Whether she understands is not the important thing. You said it. You gave her the opportunity to respond. If she chooses not to or is incapable of such intimacy she has lost an opportunity. But she cannot legitimately tell you to be mute.</p><p>Bravo. You spoke up for yourself again.</p><p></p><p>And she could not hear you without criticism. This says much about her, and her limits. She seems like a bully. Bossy. Who needs complete control. She seems like Nellie in Little Town on The Prairie. The Grocer's daughter. Incapable of reciprocity.</p><p>She may be frightened Leafy. She may be bluster without a great deal of strength. In truth, you may be the stronger one.</p><p></p><p>She is the one who lacks control.</p><p></p><p>And you can see now that her meanness may have been directed to you during childhood...but it had nothing to do with you. This is who she is.</p><p></p><p>It is all happening as it needs to. You said your truth. They listened but may not have heard. That is enough. All you need. People are who they are. No matter how much we need or want them to be what we need them to be, they can only be who and what they are. You are learning so much. Especially about your own strength and integrity and ability to be present in a difficult time. Your Mom seems to be a real trooper.</p><p></p><p>I know how stressful this is. I would not had the kind of courage you are showing. Nothing about it is easy. It is a triumph.</p><p></p><p>I hope the day at the sea was all you needed it to be. I wish I was there too.</p><p></p><p>You will do fine on Friday with your Mom. Actually, I hope your sister does not show. She may not be able to handle it. And it will be about her. I am sorry she is not being the sister you deserve. But you are showing her a sister who, if life was fair, she would be grateful to embrace.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 669322, member: 18958"] Nobody has a right to tell you how to deal with your own feelings and experience. She can listen or not. But she has no right to tell you what you need or how to act. You stood up to her. Whether she understands is not the important thing. You said it. You gave her the opportunity to respond. If she chooses not to or is incapable of such intimacy she has lost an opportunity. But she cannot legitimately tell you to be mute. Bravo. You spoke up for yourself again. And she could not hear you without criticism. This says much about her, and her limits. She seems like a bully. Bossy. Who needs complete control. She seems like Nellie in Little Town on The Prairie. The Grocer's daughter. Incapable of reciprocity. She may be frightened Leafy. She may be bluster without a great deal of strength. In truth, you may be the stronger one. She is the one who lacks control. And you can see now that her meanness may have been directed to you during childhood...but it had nothing to do with you. This is who she is. It is all happening as it needs to. You said your truth. They listened but may not have heard. That is enough. All you need. People are who they are. No matter how much we need or want them to be what we need them to be, they can only be who and what they are. You are learning so much. Especially about your own strength and integrity and ability to be present in a difficult time. Your Mom seems to be a real trooper. I know how stressful this is. I would not had the kind of courage you are showing. Nothing about it is easy. It is a triumph. I hope the day at the sea was all you needed it to be. I wish I was there too. You will do fine on Friday with your Mom. Actually, I hope your sister does not show. She may not be able to handle it. And it will be about her. I am sorry she is not being the sister you deserve. But you are showing her a sister who, if life was fair, she would be grateful to embrace. [/QUOTE]
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