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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 758731" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear Trying</p><p></p><p>You sound good! I can hear the changes in you. You have already told him. There is no need to tell him again, in my view. He badgers and badgers you:</p><p>No. It is not obligatory that you are controlled by him and defined by him. This is a personal choice on your part. At any time you can decide to not be at his beck and call. Your son is a very good teacher for you. You say this about him: <em>He calls the shots and won't do anything he is uncomfortable with. </em>Good for him. Why not, you decide to have this stance? You are responsible for you. He is responsible for him.</p><p></p><p>It is enough that you have decided in you to not pay for anything more. That is something inside of you, that decision. It is your responsibility to do whatever it takes to protect yourself from his manipulation, aggression, begging. All of that is designed to trigger you. You are responsible for setting boundaries, both internally and externally to maintain your safety and sense of containment.</p><p></p><p>You will not get buy in from him, at least for the foreseeable future. But you don't need it. You are doing the right and correct thing for yourself and for him.</p><p></p><p>Remember. You don't need his consent or his approval. Your autonomy and your locus of control are in you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 758731, member: 18958"] Dear Trying You sound good! I can hear the changes in you. You have already told him. There is no need to tell him again, in my view. He badgers and badgers you: No. It is not obligatory that you are controlled by him and defined by him. This is a personal choice on your part. At any time you can decide to not be at his beck and call. Your son is a very good teacher for you. You say this about him: [I]He calls the shots and won't do anything he is uncomfortable with. [/I]Good for him. Why not, you decide to have this stance? You are responsible for you. He is responsible for him. It is enough that you have decided in you to not pay for anything more. That is something inside of you, that decision. It is your responsibility to do whatever it takes to protect yourself from his manipulation, aggression, begging. All of that is designed to trigger you. You are responsible for setting boundaries, both internally and externally to maintain your safety and sense of containment. You will not get buy in from him, at least for the foreseeable future. But you don't need it. You are doing the right and correct thing for yourself and for him. Remember. You don't need his consent or his approval. Your autonomy and your locus of control are in you. [/QUOTE]
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