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Wayward daughter
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<blockquote data-quote="GoingNorth" data-source="post: 724225" data-attributes="member: 1963"><p>There's nothing wrong with helping out a kid just starting out. In my family I 'put the pay packet on the table" starting with my first official job. I paid rent and a share towards the household. (this may be a cultural thing, but I didn't feel it was unfair at all.)</p><p></p><p>When then fiance' and I found our first apt, I was shocked to discover that my parents had put most of the money I had paid as "rent" away and used it to outfit our new "household", including furniture and bedding. and pay move-in costs. (security deposit, etc.)</p><p></p><p>This despite them not being particularly happy about us shacking up.</p><p></p><p>Both sets of parents helped out on occasion our first few years together, and it was greatly appreciated. We paid back with chores, hauling stuff (we had a van), helping cater holiday dinners, clean up, etc.</p><p></p><p>The last time my family helped out was when my furnace died to the tune of 4K up in n.WI. This 5 mos after my drainage system died to the tune $3700.</p><p></p><p>I opened the mail a few days after the new furnace was installed to find a check from my mother for 2K. Some may remember my posting about how to handle this.</p><p></p><p>In the end, I took their advice and said nothing except for thank you.</p><p></p><p>So, it's OK to help out if the kid is grateful for the help, AND it truly makes you feel GOOD to help. If you feel obligated to help, or if you help because you feel guilty, or it makes you feel taken advantage of, then you are helping for the wrong reasons and should stop.</p><p></p><p>Giving money or things to a child should not be complicated by 2nd or side thoughts. You should feel GOOD about the gift, nothing else. No 2nd thoughts. No worries about the money being used for something other than what it was given for. In fact, you should be able to give cash without worrying about what it will be used for.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="GoingNorth, post: 724225, member: 1963"] There's nothing wrong with helping out a kid just starting out. In my family I 'put the pay packet on the table" starting with my first official job. I paid rent and a share towards the household. (this may be a cultural thing, but I didn't feel it was unfair at all.) When then fiance' and I found our first apt, I was shocked to discover that my parents had put most of the money I had paid as "rent" away and used it to outfit our new "household", including furniture and bedding. and pay move-in costs. (security deposit, etc.) This despite them not being particularly happy about us shacking up. Both sets of parents helped out on occasion our first few years together, and it was greatly appreciated. We paid back with chores, hauling stuff (we had a van), helping cater holiday dinners, clean up, etc. The last time my family helped out was when my furnace died to the tune of 4K up in n.WI. This 5 mos after my drainage system died to the tune $3700. I opened the mail a few days after the new furnace was installed to find a check from my mother for 2K. Some may remember my posting about how to handle this. In the end, I took their advice and said nothing except for thank you. So, it's OK to help out if the kid is grateful for the help, AND it truly makes you feel GOOD to help. If you feel obligated to help, or if you help because you feel guilty, or it makes you feel taken advantage of, then you are helping for the wrong reasons and should stop. Giving money or things to a child should not be complicated by 2nd or side thoughts. You should feel GOOD about the gift, nothing else. No 2nd thoughts. No worries about the money being used for something other than what it was given for. In fact, you should be able to give cash without worrying about what it will be used for. [/QUOTE]
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