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We don't know what to do 22 year old son
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 664591" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Does this help you Quicksand with your sense of self-doubt about the decision to move back?</p><p></p><p>As long as we are pushing or pulling, or taking away the hurt from their mistakes, they will not take responsibility for changing anything.</p><p></p><p>As long as we are the ones who are suffering, they believe the suffering is our problem to fix. They believe they can keep going as they had been, doing whatever it is they want. After all, the costs are ours to bear, not theirs.</p><p></p><p>They feel control by controlling us and fooling us and lying to us. Instead of a sense of control that comes from taking real responsibility for the course of their own lives. They feel power in resisting us...and you know where that ends up.</p><p></p><p>What you have done is allowed your son to feel his own locus of control and responsibility. So that he can really evaluate his situation and what he needs.</p><p></p><p>It cost you a lot of suffering, I know. But you got a solid result. It will not be a straight line to better, but it is a start.</p><p></p><p>They are not our babies anymore. They are young men who have to function in the grown up world. College or a career are secondary, for now. He needs to get on his feet and stable.</p><p></p><p>Even if he were doing stellar, for both of your good, you would have had to pull back emotionally. I know it is hard. It is hard for me, too. </p><p></p><p>Keep it up.You did really, really good. Keep posting. I am happy for you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 664591, member: 18958"] Does this help you Quicksand with your sense of self-doubt about the decision to move back? As long as we are pushing or pulling, or taking away the hurt from their mistakes, they will not take responsibility for changing anything. As long as we are the ones who are suffering, they believe the suffering is our problem to fix. They believe they can keep going as they had been, doing whatever it is they want. After all, the costs are ours to bear, not theirs. They feel control by controlling us and fooling us and lying to us. Instead of a sense of control that comes from taking real responsibility for the course of their own lives. They feel power in resisting us...and you know where that ends up. What you have done is allowed your son to feel his own locus of control and responsibility. So that he can really evaluate his situation and what he needs. It cost you a lot of suffering, I know. But you got a solid result. It will not be a straight line to better, but it is a start. They are not our babies anymore. They are young men who have to function in the grown up world. College or a career are secondary, for now. He needs to get on his feet and stable. Even if he were doing stellar, for both of your good, you would have had to pull back emotionally. I know it is hard. It is hard for me, too. Keep it up.You did really, really good. Keep posting. I am happy for you. [/QUOTE]
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We don't know what to do 22 year old son
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