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<blockquote data-quote="ML" data-source="post: 328637"><p>A few weeks ago, husband and I told Stepsongfg (J) that it was time he made an different plan for where to live, that living here has not been good for him. We told him we weren't saying this because we were uspet with him (despite the fact I'm barely able to keep the resentment from seeping out of me), but that living here without expectations didn't challenge him to be the best J he could be. He agreed it was time. We realize now to him this was just theory and we now need to back it up with another talk that will go like this "are you planning to move this month or next, because if it's next we'll expect rent for this one". </p><p></p><p>I've been talking and talking about this in therapy. I feel like a prisoner in my own home. His moods and passive aggression are horrible. I can very much tell when he's been drinking because he is horrible to his father. He yells at him and belittles him. husband needs alanon as much as I do. I am a codependent to a codependent. I feel somehow like I'm the bottom of the food chain lol.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, we are waiting till after Christmas but I'm having trouble letting it go till then. I alternate between resentment and guilt. therapist said that's due to my own enbaling issues and that it's also hard for me to set healthy boundaries but I'm getting better.</p><p></p><p>I got to the point where I didn't care if it damaged my relationship with husband or if J hates me, he has to go. When I have to leave the room and go upstairs because of moods and behavior it's bad. We have a small townhome so there's not a lot of common space. Luckily manster prefers hanging out in his room and I just pull up a chair and hang in there with him to watch tv or play games. I should not feel like I have to do that. Luckily husband is on board and agrees he has to go but saying the words and following through are harder than hard for him.</p><p></p><p>So wish me luck. Pray that I can bite my tongue when I need to and find my voice when the time is right. I'm a bit afraid of him, husband is too.</p><p></p><p>Hugs,</p><p>ML</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ML, post: 328637"] A few weeks ago, husband and I told Stepsongfg (J) that it was time he made an different plan for where to live, that living here has not been good for him. We told him we weren't saying this because we were uspet with him (despite the fact I'm barely able to keep the resentment from seeping out of me), but that living here without expectations didn't challenge him to be the best J he could be. He agreed it was time. We realize now to him this was just theory and we now need to back it up with another talk that will go like this "are you planning to move this month or next, because if it's next we'll expect rent for this one". I've been talking and talking about this in therapy. I feel like a prisoner in my own home. His moods and passive aggression are horrible. I can very much tell when he's been drinking because he is horrible to his father. He yells at him and belittles him. husband needs alanon as much as I do. I am a codependent to a codependent. I feel somehow like I'm the bottom of the food chain lol. Anyway, we are waiting till after Christmas but I'm having trouble letting it go till then. I alternate between resentment and guilt. therapist said that's due to my own enbaling issues and that it's also hard for me to set healthy boundaries but I'm getting better. I got to the point where I didn't care if it damaged my relationship with husband or if J hates me, he has to go. When I have to leave the room and go upstairs because of moods and behavior it's bad. We have a small townhome so there's not a lot of common space. Luckily manster prefers hanging out in his room and I just pull up a chair and hang in there with him to watch tv or play games. I should not feel like I have to do that. Luckily husband is on board and agrees he has to go but saying the words and following through are harder than hard for him. So wish me luck. Pray that I can bite my tongue when I need to and find my voice when the time is right. I'm a bit afraid of him, husband is too. Hugs, ML [/QUOTE]
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