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Weary and failing
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<blockquote data-quote="Fairy dust" data-source="post: 766391" data-attributes="member: 25457"><p>Welcome dear Scout. I am sorry you are walking this path. I know your heart hurts and while your mind knows what to do, your heart creates doubt. I am a Mom to a 37 year old son who began the manipulation game at age 11. in his teens he got into drugs and from there everything spiralled badly. Despite making every attempt to help him ( He used attempted suicide as a manipulation card often) nothing and I mean nothing worked. In the meantime our daughter wasn’t given the attention she so deserved, and our family fell apart. My husband and I divorced. having walked through and out of this wreckage here are some learnings for me.</p><p>Your son is an adult, not a child.</p><p>He has the right to make choices. They may not be your choices and that’s ok.</p><p>As an adult he is responsible for the consequence of his choices. </p><p>instead of giving cash I suggest a gas and food coupon. you don’t know what he’s spending the money on. </p><p>you can direct him to community resources he can go to should he choose that can help with shelter and job seeking. </p><p></p><p>You have no power over him but you have power over yourself! </p><p>You as an adult are responsible for your health and well being. To this end may I strongly suggest the following. Keep going to therapy to learn how to detach in a loving way from your son. I have been in therapy for over a decade.</p><p>Read, read, read the stories from others on this forum who have walked this path. Their words of wisdom have sustained me on many a day. Copa, New Leaf have been long term members and their stories and advice have lifted my heart many times.</p><p>KEEP reading the article on detachment. Sometimes I read it 3 times a day.</p><p>Nothing and I mean nothing will change as long as this spin cycle continues. You have the power to change your reaction.</p><p></p><p>Others will come along to offer words of support to you. Just know that as parents we have done everything we could, cried rivers of tears, spent lots of money, damaged ourselves, our health, our esteem, friendships, family all in an effort to try to avert a potential train wreck. </p><p></p><p>Choices have consequences and consequeces can create growth. Please reclaim yourself, your courage and your life. Only you can do this and you know you can! Baby steps are fine but keep making them. Hugs to you Scout.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fairy dust, post: 766391, member: 25457"] Welcome dear Scout. I am sorry you are walking this path. I know your heart hurts and while your mind knows what to do, your heart creates doubt. I am a Mom to a 37 year old son who began the manipulation game at age 11. in his teens he got into drugs and from there everything spiralled badly. Despite making every attempt to help him ( He used attempted suicide as a manipulation card often) nothing and I mean nothing worked. In the meantime our daughter wasn’t given the attention she so deserved, and our family fell apart. My husband and I divorced. having walked through and out of this wreckage here are some learnings for me. Your son is an adult, not a child. He has the right to make choices. They may not be your choices and that’s ok. As an adult he is responsible for the consequence of his choices. instead of giving cash I suggest a gas and food coupon. you don’t know what he’s spending the money on. you can direct him to community resources he can go to should he choose that can help with shelter and job seeking. You have no power over him but you have power over yourself! You as an adult are responsible for your health and well being. To this end may I strongly suggest the following. Keep going to therapy to learn how to detach in a loving way from your son. I have been in therapy for over a decade. Read, read, read the stories from others on this forum who have walked this path. Their words of wisdom have sustained me on many a day. Copa, New Leaf have been long term members and their stories and advice have lifted my heart many times. KEEP reading the article on detachment. Sometimes I read it 3 times a day. Nothing and I mean nothing will change as long as this spin cycle continues. You have the power to change your reaction. Others will come along to offer words of support to you. Just know that as parents we have done everything we could, cried rivers of tears, spent lots of money, damaged ourselves, our health, our esteem, friendships, family all in an effort to try to avert a potential train wreck. Choices have consequences and consequeces can create growth. Please reclaim yourself, your courage and your life. Only you can do this and you know you can! Baby steps are fine but keep making them. Hugs to you Scout. [/QUOTE]
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