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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Scout999" data-source="post: 766400" data-attributes="member: 33821">Thanks all for such good advice and encouragement. It's a daily thing to work on myself and see the situation as it is with boundaries. I think I have to save him and I don't. My husband and I are his parents and we love him.  I like the advice to let my husband communicate with my son instead of me. He is much more in control and operates with tough love. Like Copa mentioned, my son triggers me. It's like I'm pulled into his world which is not really reality. He seems to blame others for everything going wrong with his life. I keep thinking back trying to figure out when it went wrong, but really useless. It is what it is. I go forward. He writes poetry and fiction but won't take classes and won't get any feedback on his writing. He thinks grandiose ideas about his impact in the world and sometimes veers off in some off the wall thoughts. When he was living with us, he used to unplug all the appliances because they somehow sent bad aura in our house. He lights sage and walks around cleansing the house. It's actually a good thing he's not here because he starts telling us what pictures we can have in the house and disrespecting us by criticizing our beliefs. I know he does marijuana and possibly LSD. I think that's when it went wrong. I don't believe we'll see him for the holidays as I think he is no longer in the State. I've tried sending job opportunities, but it is unknown if he followed up. Recently, he said that he'd come back home if we bought him a dog, then he would look for job. Of course, I said no. He can't take care of himself much less an animal. Totally unfair for the pet. And that's the way it's like, he came up with the conditions to come back home. It's opposite of the way it should be. It's our house, we make the conditions. I'm on my third therapist. I've reached out to NAMI several times and attending their parents with an adult child with mental illness support groups online a few times. It helps. I heard they have a family to family online course. I'm hoping my husband and I can attend this next session. It's like 8 online sessions with other families in the same situation. There's only really one friend that I talk to about this situation. Otherwise, I just tell relatives and friends he is out doing his own thing. I hadn't heard of FOG before, but it makes sense.  Fear, Obligation, Guilt. I have a lot of them, but I also have Shame. I'm trying to remain in my own safe space and not enter his chaotic one. He made all these bad decisions, not me. I can't rescue him. Both our younger daughters are in college and working part time jobs over winter break. Recently, my middle daughter expressed frustration and anger that we keep helping her older brother. It isn't really fair to them. All of them knew that we would help them financially with college as we are able, but they would be able to . My son went for two years to college and dropped out. I hear all your words about him taking responsibility for his own life. And I appreciate it very much.</blockquote>

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